♥八月 in acoustic

The words of january..

2012-01-12T17:42:00.001+08:00

Hello lovely people,

I assume everyone is doing super fine? Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I wish you all the best. Another year has come, and the birth of New Year was celebrated by watching movies on my laptop and falling asleep on the sofa. I have no mood at all to give it a fancy welcome. I am after all, what you would pretty mediocre. Since when hanging around me is a fun thing to do? YOU answer me. I find myself to be pretty boring too. Too uptight. I think too much about what people say about me. Isn’t that so?

Well, well, for those who visited this, you might be someone I know, I mean, I am a personal blogger, I don’t blog about gadgets or current issues. I do rant A LOT though. And cowardly saying, if I have some sort of official complaint, I’d rather do it anonymously than to post it here. Well, back to my point earlier, if you’re not new, you should know better than taking my blog post personally. I blog about random stuff that popped on my head, NOTHING is planned.

I still adore the same thing, JPOP, KPOP, Indie band, Ueda Tatsuya --- that is if you simply put it in general but hey, my selection is much more universal than what your forever judging mind might think. Sure, people will LABEL me as a Korean lover whatsoever. But I really am just a girl with an addictive personality. I stick to one thing until I became terribly bored then, I move on to the next one. I can’t multi task at all!

Sure I adore cute cuddly stuff.

And at this point of actually ‘growing up’ I became more interested in beauty products. Not because it will make me look beautiful but more like, an investment to myself after a hard tiring day/week. I am not that hyped to stick to a routine. I dislike routines! I am more of a ‘heart’ person. I do things randomly.

So now! *clap hands together* have you guys listed your New Year Resolution yet? Not that the year is still new. HAHA. To be honest, I haven’t did mine. I usually have resolutions for fun. Not much of a use if you ask me. INSTEAD, I made this one list called 100 things I love. I mean I sure love a lot of things and 100 is pretty…Hmmm. But trust me, once you start listing it, you have no idea what to include. It’s easier to make a ‘100 things I dislike/hate’ instead.

It’s the first week of moving into the residential college, I have a new room! Yeay! I had trouble with my room earlier but thanks to Eyan who helped me a lot when I am moving in. First day of this semester was okay. I met a few awesome friends. I tried to be friendly but I am not sure if I am being paranoid or a lot of people seem not to be fond of me. I tried saying Hi to a friend I used to be close to but well, after a few attempts, I gave up. I mean, she might be comfortable with the circle she’s with now. To be honest, I really want to talk to her again, maybe things won’t be the same but it’s better than not talking at all, right? Also, it’s getting terribly awkward in the class. I don’t know why but people don’t really talk to me like they used to? I was wondering where did it all go wrong but I guess I’ve tried to solve it. I tried. I never have enough courage to do extreme stuff. Honestly I might break down and cry (since nowadays it’s really easy to get me cry over stuff). I get emotional and all. So I think its stress. I will enjoy this new semester, that’s what I am promising myself. I usually keep everything to myself because I have no one to talk to, or if I do have someone to talk to it’s either just an inappropriate and awkward thing to discuss with that person OR they are just aren’t interested enough to hear me out till I’ve finished ranting everything. Whether its love or friendship, moving on is the hardest thing to do.

The RESCO dissolution will takes place tomorrow. I am pretty much in this state à :’)

I have little to say, let’s just say, I discovered and experienced many things during my two semesters as a RESCO member. Specifically as a block captain of the F4 block, the harmonious block ever. I’ve experienced other blocks and there’s no place like F4. And the view from my room when I was a block captain has a great sunrise and sunset scenery (not that you can see the sun but yeah). It’s F4/58. It’s a great room. That’s where I lost my broadband too due to my carelessness. To whoever that’ll be staying there. It’s a great room… it’s just a bit.. hot. Hehe.

Also, I met the awesomely great people in RESCO. They have multiple personality and it’s their unique personality that makes them great. It’s a shame that I barely get along well with the male block captains cause I am *coughs* an awkward person with males. HEHE. If it weren’t for RESCO, I wouldn’t even talk to them in my uni year. :) I adore them all.

The one thing that I will miss a lot is.. The RESCO office. It’s like a home when I am homesick. A gateway from the boring hostel life and I can get free hugs whenever I want. HAHA.

I guess I’ll stop here. I am jobless, that explains why I have the time to update this blog. Well, actually I can use this free time of mine to revise or something but I’m too distracted to do so.

And OH! Have you watched TeenTop’s Crazy? ME love it. and also, T-ara’s lovey dovey. It’s a must see. :D

what december had to say.

2011-12-09T16:35:00.001+08:00

It’s December everybody.

So what’s on December? Well, December is basically a holiday month for students. Oh well, I wish December holiday covers all age group but then, this is how things work. If people stop working on December, then, holiday will be a really classic one. For example, we can’t even go anywhere because the plane ticket counter will be closed, no flight because the pilots are on a holiday. Supermarkets will be closed, so will other places such as hospitals and gas stations. So everyone will end up staying at home because the mall and cinemas wouldn’t be open. So will Diary Queen and Pizza Hut. Thankfully, that’s not the case.

Today is the seventh of December.

That means I have been through 3-4 days of holidays. I have to come back to the residential college for a short briefing and I have to prepare the files that would be handed down to the next block captains for further reference. And yes I still have a lot of work to do with that. I have to complete the reports by Friday. It has to be typed in Malay. That’s another headache.

My educational experience this semester isn’t the best I could ever recall. I love hanging out with friends in the office because that is the only place I can be without being stressed about anything else. Thinking that next semester there’ll be no office saddens me. It is a place which is closer and a lot like home. I think the residents should be provided with that kind of place. The reading room is far from comfortable for the residents to do their work. Moreover it is vital that they feel more like home when they are in the residential college. Being a resident, I know that it’s easy to get homesick. I wish the reading room will be carpeted. LOL.

Another thing is our trip to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia! I really hope that it would be a great one. I wish to shop there like really shop there but my budget is limited. :( I used a lot of money when the allowance came out and mostly I use it for food and to treat my family and stuff for my brother’s small birthday party. Sigh. I am planning to get my driver’s license soon. So I have to save up to $500. I already have half of it. Hopefully I can get it at the end of February. I really want to stay less at the residential college and go home more.

sigh. Well, well, enjoy your holiday.

welcome to the CLASS!

2011-11-18T12:10:00.001+08:00

I am in a class called 'life' and yes, all of you are my classmates. A useful class that's conducted everyday with an invisible teacher. :)

you will never know who watched your back when you're 'a burnt cookie' and who are there for you only when you're all 'cupcakes and candies'. To know that, you have to learn it the hard way. You may think that you have friends but you don't know when they will turn their back on you. Do whatever pleases you as long as you hurt nobody. make people happy and you'll be happy too.

Do thank your real friends every now and then. It hurts to lose a precious friend that you thought was your friend but having real friends worth more than anything else.

So did you learn anything valuable from this class of ours?

I have a lot to discover though.

it’s a though world out there. <3

take it positively.

2011-11-08T23:30:00.001+08:00

I don’t know, you might hear some rumors and you might think of me as a madam or being plain bitchy.. but who are you to judge me?

who are you to look at me with that disgusting expression and think that you know it all?

I may look mean to you but do you actually know the story behind it to judge me so badly.

not talking to me is a good choice of yours?

people being good in front of you, it doesn’t mean that they’d do that behind your back.

sooner or later I think you might as well taste what I am going through,

I am not blind and I can see hateful stares and judging eyes whenever I am with you guys.

I am a being that I can actually sense when I am not desired to be around.

I don’t have to hope that KARMA will bounce back at you guys when its time. because. IT will. DEFINITELY.

Luna

2011-11-04T00:58:00.001+08:00

all time favorite.

I don’t know how many times I’ve mentioned this but yes, I like it.

VERY much.

enjoy :)

so much vids on it but I decided to use this.

between the lines.

2011-11-02T00:39:00.001+08:00

and with that, I meant a lot of lines.

when something that you shouldn’t take seriously and something that should meant nothing ……… seems to be much more important than you thought it would be.

when it gets too deep.

when an endothermic reaction takes place.

it reminds me why I hate an exothermic reaction. it requires so much effort. and even a stable bond can be broken just in a jiffy. :(

Nostalgic.

2011-10-30T15:39:00.001+08:00

going through the old blog….

I could say that I kinda like that self-absorbed forever ranting kid.

life’s different back then.

I think over here I finally get the hang of what they call a HYPOCRITE.

and I just LOOOVE HER! <3

Focal Point

2011-10-23T23:49:00.001+08:00

Right now the focal point of my life is…

Clinical placement.

Assignments.

Upcoming revision week.

RESCO works.

The process of finishing my block is hindered for too long. I have to get it done with before the end of placement.

I’ll update this with something happier next time Okay? :)

life as a Block captain.

2011-10-03T13:52:00.001+08:00

Well, hello strangers (or not). So it is Saturday, well its midnight when I type this out. I have class tomorrow, starts at eight. Life sucks really. It seems like I will not be able to go home this week. I terribly miss home.

To think that me, who is studying in my own country and to think that I am only approximately 100 kilometres away from home, its kind of funny to say that I am homesick but nevertheless, I am still homesick. This semester alone, I can’t go home every week. Worse, I can’t even go home every 2 weeks. There’s this and that. I guess I have my limits. Semester break had just ended last Monday so yes; school is back in the schedule, with some other things.

My family went up to send me the things that I left at home and forgot to bring back to the residential college on Wednesday. They texted me and sadly, we were having a meeting so I can’t join them. So they just drop by and send me the stuff. I was sad really. I tried hard not to cry when they left. I am not complaining that I have too much works to do. I am sure that the previous BCs also have the same problems; it depends on how we handle it individually.

I agreed to do this so it would be irresponsible for me not to do things and get the certificate later. Don’t get me wrong, I love working, and yes, I definitely love meeting all the wonderful people, sincerely saying. But I am bad with time management. I don’t like troubling others. I don’t want to burden others with my selfishness. I try not to. I dislike it when things aren’t in harmony.

So you might wonder what I have to do as a block captain.

Basically, we had these activities planned as early as February. The point of conducting these activities are to actually make life in the residential college less like a hotel and less boring I suppose as well as to make friends and encourage interactions between residents. Then, proposals have to be made and it has to be approved before the activities can be done. The block captain should also send monthly block report to the office and also send reports regarding the cleaning campaigns after the cleaning campaign of course. The block captain also receives complaints from residents to be reported to the office but of course residents can also complain directly to the office as the blocks are the responsibility of each and every single one of the resident that stays there. Other than that, along with the other block captains and other bureau, we also lend our hands to any activities conducted by the university when they need help.

It sounds simple and easy right?

Well, we are also students. We have classes; we have our own extracurricular activities, family ♥, friends♡, tests✰, assignments✿, presentations❀ and leisure time❤ツ. So this is when time management skill can come in handy. I, who happen to lack in this special skill are having a bipolar life.

Other issue I am having right now will be…

Friends sometimes say “you have no time for us, you’re always busy”

So how do you think I feel about that? This is in general. Not all just a few.

I am a person who has the lack of power to refuse. A person who think that it is vital not to hurt other people’s feelings because I know who hurtful it can be. A person who put forward other people’s needs more than mine even though I have to suffer. I don’t mind doing that. Sometimes I feel like I am always running because I dislike pressure. I feel like I don’t have time for myself. When is the last time I go out and doesn’t feel guilty or burdened by it? They say that I am too nice. That is a big lie. I am not nice at all. Nice means nothing actually. I don’t know. If I am ‘nice’ why am I always alone? How much do they know about me? By reading this blog, you think that you really know me? Whoa, this is becoming more and more emotional isn’t it? Right now I have mates, mates who need me when they are in needs. :)

And you ask me, “Why are you still with them?”

Ø Is it because I need the ride to my oh so far away faculty? NO.

Is it because I have no other choice? NO.

Is it because it’s hard for me to go around since I have no car? No.

Ø Firstly, I don’t mind walking. I’ve been walking since the start of semester one, so what’s the big deal?

Secondly, I do have a choice but I don’t make friends for fun. How can someone ditch a friend? I would avoid talking to those I dislike, but to stop talking to them and make it everyone’s business. Now, that’s big. I have a few issues really. It’s either me who is overly sensitive or someone really talk to me only when they need me. That is how I feel about a certain someone who is least likely to read this. At least be subtle when doing it. Sometimes, I feel like I am being treated like rubbish. Thank you for that. Since we’ll be in the same class for the whole course, it will be awkward isn’t it. especially for stupid reasons. I feel like I am always the one who try to reach out to you when you don’t even do anything.

Thirdly, I am not the type who likes to go out here and there so I don’t mind not having my own transport. (Except when I wish I have one when I am terribly homesick but that’s different isn’t it?)

That is what makes life difficult at the moment. Too much drama that I, myself, can’t handle.

I don’t know why but I think this might be the most dramatic point in my life.

because someone didn’t see any updates. :P

2011-09-24T01:34:00.001+08:00

I had a good day with you guys. Yes, both of you Syafiqah Hamidon and Afiqah Kamis.

Thank you for the meal and Thanks for the ride plus visit to the beach.

Its great reminiscing with you guys. and I am glad that I finally see Eqah. :))

Hope to see you guys soon.. okay? hehehe

this is what i call abusing it.

2011-09-15T13:05:00.003+08:00

like almost everyone are getting medical cert WITHIN THE LAST WEEK OF CLINICAL PLACEMENT. Like what the heck? Like eff. You dont need a fucking sick leave just for a minor sore throat. Or for something that might get better the next day. Just because its easy to get one here in brunei. i'm pissed because people like that (fake/exaggerated a sickness) make people who really need the med cert (really sick) in one wavelength with them.

How about taking a LC instead? A LAZINESS CERTIFICATE. or DC - leave cert for yang malas tapi gian kan dating.

jangan terasa mun rasanya bukan KAU.

bye xoxo.
lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

heart of gold

2011-08-12T22:39:00.001+08:00

checked the Alice NIne official website and the header is still The Blue Flame one. Sigh.

I really like the Heart of gold… I do hope someone would upload a HD pic of heart of gold later.

and I juat love Hiroto’s Ameblo’s Header. T________T hotness.

sorry for the awful screenshot :P

The Pre Uni year planner/notebook

2011-08-11T19:43:00.001+08:00

I was back home for the weekend a few days earlier. that afternoon, I was so exhausted that I cant even drag myself to my block to pack up so I ended up going home with my laptop and wallet only. we had this fresher’s residential orientation going on that day so my day was a bit packed. now, back to what I intended to write; as you can see, the title might have given you some sort of rough idea on the craps that I am about to write.

I found my sky blue pre UNI planner somewhere between the stacked books and when I went through it I as like “oh god, I wish I would have done better” and like “how I miss those times”

there are birthdays, appointments, Japanese characters I was trying to memorise, mindmaps, past year questions,notes (mostly sociology but there’s some bio and chemistry), to do lists and some random stuff.

that is when I came across this:

list of things to be accomplished:

- run 4KM in a day

-lose 2KG

-do some sort of volunteering

-learn how to rollerblade

-play basketball with old mates

-appear in some sort of show

-learn how to skate

-learn how to swim

-go to Japan

-learn how to play guitar

-plant a tree

-get a driver’s license

-eat nothing but a chocolate based food for a day

-eat sushi for a day

-memorise 100 Japanese vocab

-go bowling

-go rockclimbing

-take kick boxing

-attend a Japanese tea ceremony

-movie marathon at the cinema for the whole day

-learn korean

-get a kimono

-go fishing

-write a fan letter

-send a fan mail

-plant a cute flower in a cute flowerpot

-scream at the beach

-get a part time job

-be a vegetarian for 58 days

-learn to play chess

-be spontaneous for a day

-try peking duck

-take 25 bright random pictures

-paint the room

-be a complete bimbo for a day. (????? what?)

-try surviving a day without saying “but” and “Tapi”

*I was supossed to write 100 stupid things but I ended up with only a few. hahaha

I also have a page with this heading: ROAD TO COMFORTABILITY AND TO AVOID THE DREAD OF HOME SICKNESS. I guess that was when I was about to move to residential college. I have this long list of stuff I should bring. like, LOL. and I was also reminded that I used to have this craze about pinafore.

I miss all those things. I wasn’t that innocent before, plain evil, you may call it. but I love the way I see life before.

now and then, its too different.

THE ONLY THING THAT I HAD A TASTE OF NOWADAYS ARE A BUNCH OF HIPPOCRITE. As well as people who claimed to live honestly but were nothing but a backstabber, bad mouther behind your back; they did that with a sweet smile on their face; reasoning for everyone’s actions as if they are the only non judging entity that are left on this planet. non-judging group, who do they think they are? who are they trying to fool? obviously, they did let the terrible things on their mind slip off… and show their true colours. but its amusing that they cover it up pretty well after that.

An act of kindness is truly deceiving. :)

forever PMSing BIYOTCH

2011-07-29T13:05:00.001+08:00

I thank god for what happened between me and you.

I wasn’t wrong.

I am not nice ALL the time to tolerate your shits.

may you enjoy your life ahead. SUCKS TO BE YOU! BIG TIME.

two days til I’m back home! :)

2011-06-28T18:47:00.001+08:00

recently, I am adicted to this song! i ‘ve been digging covers and all. wooo! and I turn out to really like this one.

been PMSing the whole week. I think I’m okay now.

found out that my next clinical placement starts on the 8th of august til the 15th of july… yes, I only have 2 days to spend my raya with my family. and I wont even go home during puasa except for weekends. I feel like crying.

ideas thrown from tumblr

2011-06-23T20:59:00.001+08:00

I LOVE ALICE NINE.

Shoe Size: 5/6
Sexual Orientation: straight?
Do you Smoke? no.
Do you Drink? no.
Do you Take Drugs? no.
Age you get mistaken for: 16. (lol?)
Have Tattoos? nope.
Want any tattoos nope.
Got any Piercings? yeap.
Want any piercings? not neymore. :p
Best friend? some.
Relationship status: forever alone.
Biggest turn ons: cleanliness.
Biggest turn offs: anything that isn’t clean.
Favorite Movie: chick flicks, romantic comedy. maybe.
I’ll love you if: I love you. duh.
Someone you miss: YOU BESTFRIEND.
Most traumatic experience: too traumatic to be remembered.
A fact about your personality: too serious.
What I hate most about myself: blurry, overthinking,
What I love most about myself: nothing I know of.
What I want to be when I get older: successful.
My relationship with my sibling(s): so-so.
My relationship with my parents: okay.
My idea of a perfect date: no idea.
My biggest pet peeves: pusher. like seriously. don’t push it. other than that, being dirty.
A description of the girl/boy I like: decent.
A description of the person I dislike the most: no one. but as I said. PUSHER. :P
A reason I’ve lied to a friend: to prevent war from breaking out.
What I hate the most about school: expectations.
What my last text message says: *to a resident in my block~ so can’t copy paste here*
What words upset me the most: ditcher. :(
What words make me the best about myself: patient.
A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: I was sleeping, didn’t wish a single thing. haha
What I find attractive in boys. decency,
Where I would like to live. in the cube, kidding. wherever is okay. :)
One of my insecurities. losing my pride/face.
My childhood career choice: educator.
My favorite ice cream. always chocolate.
Who I wish I could be. myself. myself
Where I want to be right now. home. :)
The last thing I ate. cuppycake :) chocolate one. :p
Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately. a person I saw a few days ago.
A random fact about anything I LOVE sushi :D

happy birthday to: @amaljamie ahaks.

2011-06-18T20:32:00.001+08:00

pictures credit to those who owns them. I just googled it.

Happy birthday to you…. happy birthday to you.. happy birthday to Amal unnie~ happy birthday to you~

*throws confettis* applause applause.

I really love pavlovas and as you can see above…. hehe~ nyaman tu mal. kau bali lah for your birthday. arah kitchen of jasmine ada jual.. hehe

aku kan greet kau dari hujung rambut ke hujung kaki :P yosehhh… yang ke berapa birthday mu atu, biarlah rahsia ah. aku pahammm… hehehehe

aku lama udah nda liat kau… nanti tah jumpa okay?

aku tau kau banyak gambarnya sudah….. tapi macam biasa lah hadiah ku… hahahaha

and with you , aku kan greet tae hun ku jua…

*no imaged uploaded due to laziness*

so happy birthday Tae Hun.

to amal jamie……. semoga panjang umur dan murah rejeki *slang indhon* hahaha. may you become wiser with every number added to your age. :P

kau nda payah makin tinggi pasal kau tinggi dah. kau doakan saja aku makin tinggi hehehehehe

anyway. HAVE A BLAST YOOOOO!

one after another

2011-06-10T12:57:00.001+08:00

so, I am here again.

this is my desktop background. I’ve just finished re downloading some stuff that might be useful for me.. purchased Kaspersky anti-virus last week and now I am a little broke cause I’ve paid for the appreciation dinner (and also had some sushi at misato with danishes). the appreciation dinner is tomorrow night and I am going home after that. to think that I have to get back hare by Monday is extremely excruciating. fiqah texted me last night. she’d be coming down to KB but sadly I will still be at the hostel. its been months since I talked to her. I really want a break.

helped Elizabeth to pack her stuff before having my breakfast just now. so I am officially alone in this world. okay, not really in this world but rindu tah ku ni kan ia. HAHAHAH. hmmm…. I had penne tadi, no, I wasn’t lying when I told you on facebook that I was waiting for my fetucinni. they changed my order back to penne. I am currently downloading privileged. I wanna watch it again. and if I can manage to find tru calling, I might as well download that too.

anyway… I was alone at the canteen and the atey decided to give me a ‘special’ the C ping. wheeee!

well that’s me alright. hahahaahaha~

okay see you later!

Semester break starts NOW!

2011-06-09T19:52:00.001+08:00

not really. I have to stay back for the whole semester break, which is apparently for our course, it’ll be only up until July 11th unlike other course which have an extra 3 weeks I think.

the last day of our second semester was great. even though there are some bad vibes around the air but we survived. well, I did. it was touchy. our coordinator and co-coordinator bought ice-cream cakes. I’ll post up the picture here in the next post as soon as I get a hold on the pictures.

and.. recently I was attached at one of the clinic. well, not really clinic but it’s a health promotion Centre. it is definitely cool. well, As they name it, they actually promote health and mostly the prevention of NCD which stands for non communicable diseases such as hypertension and diabetes. the place was awesome and my point of view is pretty much updated now. I love the idea of health screening and promotion. the workforce is a little………….. I don’t know. lacking? that is why it seems like tormenting when there’s projects going on. I think it is cool. it makes me realize that not all civil servants work just to earn money. some are really serious when it comes to their field.

I came to see the diversity being offered by undertaking this course of mine. I know that now, I have a wider choice and this field is indeed exciting and challenging. as well as promising.

so enough with the babbling.

its me, effieeeeeee signing off. have a good day everyone

missing you

2011-06-08T13:04:00.001+08:00

I miss you all.

yes you, syafiqah Hamidon.

and you, afiqah Kamis.

and you, eQah and eyan

and you, amal and tikah.

and you Maryam Rajid.

and and you Ummi afiqah.

and youuuuuu….. wickedscience people.

wherever you guys are.

I am truly missing you. ALL of you.

what’s left but a section of pygmy sized cut.

2011-06-07T17:24:00.001+08:00

I don’t know but I feel stupid at this time.

I know that I am being used.

I know that I served someone a purpose and that is exactly the reason why that person is sticking around with me.

I don’t know if I was just in denial or I am actually okay with everything.

I was wondering, if I serve no purpose at all…. what will happen?

well, I guess, in life, we’re just afraid of things that’ll hurt us when we know that it’s the truth to start with.

I guess, we all know that from the start, we’re just too afraid that it’ll be a real thing. a thing that we have to deal with.

and for the billionth time, TRUTH HURTS. IT STINGS….. A LOT. ;D

second placement: the impact

2011-04-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

today is my second last day in this place. the second placement will be over tomorrow.
there's one thing that i will always remember here at this place.

Aunty Irene.

no matter how much i tried, i end up remembering her smiles when we ask her to do so even though she's in a great deal of pain. No matter how i dislike her whining in the first place eventually, i feel like she needed my attention more than the others. she teaches me that there are things that cant be avoided. just by looking at her, i learn a few more things that will help me in the future. first, no matter what condition you're in, always remember god. second, don't let our misery get the best of us; even in the most difficult situation; don't forget to smile. third, you can always like a person you disliked. forth, before leaving a person you cared, you should leave properly, you never know when you're going to see them next time- no matter how busy you are.

there's a few things that i regretted;
- i didn't get to see her properly and say goodbye when i left because i was in a hurry.
- i didn't spend much time caring for her when she was critically ill.

so i end up looking for her the next day, hoping that she'll still be there sitting on her bed, complaining or smiling to me, i was even ready to massage her when it is necessary. i was even ready to do the daily routine with a goal; to make her day better.

i never showed that i care, because i thought that it wasn't cool at all. i was trying to make it look like i do it all because i had to do it. so that afternoon when i left, i didn't get to check her condition. i didn't get to see her for the last time. i was so disappointed.

i will always remember my second placement.
because of a particular person.
because whenever i remember the place, i remember her smile.

i will always remember her.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

potato sweet..

2011-04-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

last week of clinical placement. next week is revision week and then we have this EXAM going on the week after that. clinical placement starts right after the exam is over. sweet life indeed.

ps; there's this cute guy that i had my eyes on. i saw him once or twice before, hated his appearance for a while and suddenly, a few days ago.... he kinda like caught my attention while i was eating at the canteen. he doesn't look that skinny anymore.

anyhow, he's a NO NO. ;p so bye. see you when i see you.

ps: (again)

i heart junsu....

and chansung :p
lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

assignment on its way

2011-03-18T09:02:00.000+08:00

trying to finish the assignment that's due tomorrow. i know 1500 words are nothing compared to other courses' essay but i hate referencing and with the fact that the books on my choice of topic are so old and out dated in the uni's library, i am still struggling. The referencing is so damn annoying. and i cant even use the books as my reference because i had to find a book published at least from 2002 onwards. Yeah, and the books available are from the 90s. Plus when i discovered that i can use another book, turns out that its 'on its way'. meaning its ordered since last year but it have not reached the uni. :( so i am going to use what i have and try surviving this one. i need to maintain my grade this semester! i cant afford to get a C or be humiliated with a freaking B when some people will actually get an A.

WISH ME LOADS OF LUCKS. :)

p.s/
clinical placement starts next week/in two days. :(
scared and excited.
and i'm still sick. :{

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Because that's how it is. DON'T cross the FREAKING line. :)

2011-02-24T14:12:00.000+08:00

a limit is a limit. THAT'S IT. end of the story.

did you see me laugh? :)

thanks for "noticing" :)

and you do know that i LOOOOOVEEEEEE sarcasm?

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

and when one of the most beautiful day can actually hurt you~

2011-01-20T14:31:00.000+08:00

today is a bad day. this week is stressful. i hate this... really! :( i wanna cry.

everyone seems to be in the same wavelength with me. SO, take NOTE: 20.01.2011 is a baaaaddddd day for most of us. :')

this is for si M, bukan nama sebenar.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

little miss august

2011-01-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

hey, so you see, i'm a lttle too busy right now with RC stuff and all. second semester is tiring and yet, its only four days since it has started. i got a new room. new coordinator. :) and now, its midnight and meeting had just finished an hour and a half ago. here i am watching "he's just not that into you" while facebooking alone in my room. great thing is that..... kaka and some friends moved in to hostel!!!! yeayyyyyy.... :) i think i'm going to enjoy this semester. lets pray for an awesomeness invasion. whee~

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

living in between

2011-01-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

life like this is tiring. but life is tiring. face it. i'm facing it.

what lies ahead is unwritten... well, maybe its already written there. its just that one can never have the access to it. i never wish that i will have an access. i sounded so retarded isnt it? :) i am hoping for a good life ahead. and when i'm on it, i wanna make sure that i won't break too much hearts. because karma is a bitch................ only if you are. goodnight. i have homeworks to do.
lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

i deserve MILKSHAKES!

2011-01-10T10:17:00.000+08:00

i've got my exam result. and woooohoooo, i got straight Bs. and unfortunately i don't have any As. :(
i met eka last week. *hearts hearts hearts*

second semester starts today. a tiring days ahead? :P

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

why ask for the truth when we all bathe in lies?

2011-01-05T12:23:00.001+08:00

today i am full with whys.

Cause i can't think of why.

Why is such a big question mark.

Why is something that people cant fully answer even when the thought that they already did.

So, when you ask why, prepare for another set of lies.

Uh, no?

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

every man live for themselves. so suck on it.

2011-01-04T18:40:00.000+08:00

Alice Nine budoukan show.
countdown: 2 more days. Gambatte Alice Nine.

ALICE NINE FTW!

- gonna take my hostel key the day after tomorrow.
- second semester starts this upcoming monday.
- no news from everyone.
- not in the supplementary list. 2 possibilities: 1) i passed. 2) i failed......badly.
- trying to write a fanmail. so far i have like two lines stating that i adored them.
- grew up
- gonna post the new year resolution for the sake of having a list of resolution so that i can think that i am cool.
- tight budget. very tight one. if i decided to purchase the macbook pro.
- finish some fics.
- sync all passwords.
- get the freaking broadband back.
- work harder for second semester,
- wanna go out with eka.

and there's this Ukiss fanmeeting...... this upcoming march. platinum ticket worth 280. gold ticket worth 180. and the silver one worth 80. i don't know if i would attend it because i may have my clinical placement.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

life as it should be~

2010-12-26T18:19:00.000+08:00

changed my facebook picture. i love it to the max. :D

eka's in brunei and i have two weeks to go before second semester starts and supplementary list should be out in a few days. i think i've found a freaking way for me NOT to spend all my money in one go. HOPE IT'LL WORK! :D
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and i intended to be active again. wish me the best of luck with that.

lastly, have a blessed Christmas to my Christian friends. Mwahs.

and happy new year everybody. got your resolution ready?

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

the only exception.

2010-12-24T12:55:00.002+08:00

Posted this on November 2009. Its been a year but my perception hasn't change a bit. :) that's why i decided to repost this.

I'm afraid to fall in love..

Because falling in love means that you have to get
ready to be hurt.
Because falling in love means you have to be
ready to lose.

i don't wanna get hurt.

i don't wanna lose.

I guess, this isn't perfection. I wanna meet
someone that value love and see it the way i do. I
know its too much to ask for forever but i can't
help being me. I guess, what i'm trying to say is..
This is not the kind of thing that i'll take lightly. I
guess i am focusing too much on finding the
perfect one but i'll be fine. I can wait forever.

Yes. I can. =D
i don't know, this is one thing that my heart can't
overrule everything, i listened to my heart 99.9%
of the time but this is one of the thing where my
logic mind is seriously taking control, because
heart alone is not enough to handle this.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

2010-12-24T12:45:00.001+08:00

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

2010-12-24T12:31:00.001+08:00

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

effie's sky

2010-12-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

i want to get myself a digital camera. a cute small one that's really light.

but i have to be disciplined and save up. which i am not good at.

my freaking allowance? Hmm.. half of it will be used to pay the hostel, educational trip savings and my upcoming new lappy. i'm torn between the apple macbook, vaio or the HP-compact one. i have a week or two to decide. :/

i wanted to go shoppppppppppppppppping so badly. and eugh. now i am utterly nervous about my upcoming exam result. the supplementary list should be out anytime soon. geeeeez.

about the Camera, any good suggestion? :)

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

letters to you :)

2010-12-17T22:49:00.002+08:00

Dear 2010,

First of all, I would like to thank god for the valuable lessons I get in 2010. Let’s rewind everything to the beginning of 2010 shall we? So, 2010 came and everyone kept on saying that it’ll be a tough year. I, on the other hand, am pretty optimistic about the year. Had a lot of fun with the girls, I remember choosing universities to go, trying to apply UCAS and all even though I am pretty doubtful at the moment. Then, February came, a-levels result was out. I was left alone, feeling miserable as ever. You see, I did it terribly. Trying to be optimistic, I gathered the courage to re-sit the exam in JUNE as my fellow friends were busy with their scholarship application and their application to our national university. While accompanying a friend, her mother actually encouraged me to send an application to the university, considering that I am taking biology, chemistry and sociology, she was pretty sure that I can hit it by starting fresh from the bottom. So that is how I ended up taking my course right now, diploma in Health Sciences with Nursing as my major. I can say that I am starting to love it. I mean, dealing with the people and the community isn’t really my thing but I can try to improve it. I have a freaking goal now for once. I’m done chasing dreams that I myself aren’t sure of. Now, I create my own dream, I manipulate my own dream. That way, I can at least say that I am more or less in control of my dreams, with Allah’s will.

Unlike any other UBD students who enjoyed their early end of semester break, I on the other hand with my course mate, had to stay back and finish our four days clinical placement at the clinics assigned. It was awesome. The settings are pretty much different from the ward, less tiring. On our third semester there will be an educational trip. That is why I am trying hard to save some of my allowance for that trip. Destination is undecided but I hove the majority of them will choose a place where we can actually gain a lot of educational experience as well as good places for sightseeing. One early suggestion from most of them is Korea but I am not so sure of that because with what’s going on in Korea now and the price. Unfortunately japan is pretty much the same as the tour package will be as expensive. I made some friends. That is a good progress isn’t it? Well, at first I do have personal issues with it, mainly on my side but i wanted to put it all aside and start fresh with the new semester coming. All the unfair judgement, issues, I will be putting it aside and forget about it. Maybe with the new semester approaching, I wanted to learn to be independent. Start living in my own room so that I will be used to it. I am pretty much dependent and clingy this whole first semester that I made everything simple seems to be complicated. I hope to move into the new hostel because it will be much more convenient for me over there. Indoor bathroom, indoor washing machine, and air conditioned room. I totally need that since I am not going to drive to my faculty. Since one unit is shared with four other people, I hope to share it with some of my course and faculty member because it will be easier for us to do some group discussion, assignments and all since we are doing the same thing. The thing is, this depends on the fact that if our allowance will be raised. I am going to be broke if it wasn’t raised.

Next, I have forgotten all of my 2010 resolution so i think it’s safe to say that I achieved none of my goals. It’s been hard this year that I was all over the place but I think this is a good head start. i am somewhat pleased. I am excited to welcome 2011. I want to work harder so that I could graduate and proceed with my bachelor degree. I was informed that I could directly proceed to do my bachelor degree if I get a consistent and good result. :D and good news. If I’m really good, I can just do my degree in two years and a half instead of four years! :D meaning I will save a year and a half. So it’ll be five years and a half instead of seven years.

Just be a nurse? I want to be a freaking specialist and I am going to grasp that for sure. Well, when you tripped over and the world seems to be against you, believe me, Allah will always be there for you, plus, not all failures are bad. Failures don’t stop a person to move forward. It makes a person move forward and redirects them to a realistic dream. Failures are something that wakes you up, mocks you and hit your head so that you realise that you’re doing it wrong. I FAILED. Yes. I may fail again but the important thing is I have to get up and move forward and be better. Funny how destiny can bring you to some peculiar places that you never thought you’d go. I live my life by going with the flow because that is the type of person I am. I am laid back and lazy. I may not be right. But it’s okay for me. You, think for yourself. What works for me may not work for you. Changing me is useless.

2010 is rough. It’s stressful. 2010 turns my world upside down. 2010 makes me re-think of what my sociology teacher had said. Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s not. Depends. I made new friends in 2010. Lastly, I gained 14 kgs in 2010.

It’s still 2010.

I decided that I like my friends here. I miss my wxckedscience friends. 2010, the only year we missed a wxckedscience gathering/party. We finally grow up. :) Make many friends as you can. 2010 definitely teaches me a lot of valuable lessons. And it’s less than 3 weeks to 2011. 2010. World cup was fun. Life starts here. :) And I blogged less in 2010. And am I getting boring? I think so. :P

Sincerely, effie.

xoxo

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

kwang haeng

2010-11-17T14:06:00.000+08:00

i think he's really cuteeee...

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

update! :P

2010-09-27T08:23:00.000+08:00

Hey! Back to the RC and Uni.

I officially ruined a week worth of holiday. Guess what did I do? (Do I have to give you any hints?). Yeah, right. I slept like almost 18 hours per day. Pretty insane isn’t it? Yes. I should be spending those times with my mom instead. Or make use of the time when I’m home so that I wouldn’t feel too homesick when I get back to the campus. I missed home already.

I am really upset now. My brothers scratched my laptop. It was as if he dropped it or something or they moved it and it hit something hard. But well, that’s the freaking point – something hard collided with my laptop and cause that “scar”. Can you imagine how terribly upset I am when someone hurt my few months old baby? MY FREAKING BABY! Apparently, I was right. I am definitely NOT being a paranoid. See what happens when you start being lenient and gentle and what do you call it? A ‘good sister’? This is exactly what I get? I don’t even have the time to be freaking mad at them as I was leaving for school this morning. Now, I only have the weekends to be look forward to. That is like going home. I have to buy a lot of stuff though. Like the ‘tudongs’ for my clinical placement (I am very nervous about this) and a white shoe. I don’t know but being away for the whole 4 weeks sounds tiring. And we have to do a lot of bed bathing. I think.

THEY SCRATCHED ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Should I show you the picture of it?

:( I don’t deserve this. This is my freaking laptop. How can you do this to me? Why? Why? Why? That will be the last time I leave the laptop at home with them. I won’t trust any of them to handle my baby. Not anymore. The ‘scar’ looked too deep to even be considered as an accidental scratch. i hate it. I hate it when this thing happened. I hate hate hate hate it. At least be careful with people’s thing. Do you think I could send it to the dell people and ask them to fix it? Well, that would definitely cost me some $$.

Well, this is pipah, signing off with a pretty emo-ish vibe around me. I missed eka and eQah already. eQah please come here soon. It’s no fun with just the two of us here. Of course it’s fun, there’s me! Duh. But it wouldn’t be the same without you. Both of you eka and eQah, online tah selalu. Pagi-pagi ah. Kalau malam I don’t really have an internet connections and… eQah made a skype and facebook. So someone owes her a twitter account. Haha.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

bon voyage! :D

2010-09-25T15:59:00.000+08:00

It’s September 25^th.

I can’t believe that time passed away so quickly. Time definitely doesn’t wait for anyone, right?

You’re here since July and I am always busy or unavailable up till now. Our meetings are short and we barely have a private chat. Let’s just say that I regret for not sparing some time just to chat with you alone. Well, now that you’re back in UK, try not to appear offline? :D I’ll definitely miss you. I always made a mental note to go and visit you or try to go out with you when I get back in town but it never happened.

As usual, I can’t really send you up to the airport... more reason to get a driving licence? *sigh* I really wish that I could send you off. I should start packing my stuff too. I mean, I tend to shove everything into the suitcase and bring a lot of unnecessary stuff. Like towels and extra towels (and later forgot to bring it back home so I kind of ran out of towels). Sometimes the things stayed in the suitcase for the whole week and I didn’t even use any of it. I kind of ran out of decent clothes to wear to the campus and my shoes are easily worn out because i walked a lot and I’m VERY careless. Wait. Why am I typing all this? Haha.

Make sure you get back to me when you’re there because I want to know about your uni life there.

On the other hand, semester break is coming to an end. Just when I am starting to enjoy it, not really, but I managed to loosen up a bit and be in that holiday mood. I have like a day to finish my works. That should be enough. Next in my list should be the tudong for my first semester clinical placement and the oh so cool white shoes.

“if you don’t change, you may end up marrying your own friends or your cousins” – anonymously famous, 2010.

That sounds scary isn’t it? HAHAHA. To me it is scary.

Have a safe journey dear friend. :)

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

how's life?

2010-09-22T15:40:00.000+08:00

So, where have I been? Well, basically, I’m here. Standing strong. Breathing. Living. Oh, you’re a bit frustrated? Nevermind, people make mistakes. I am pretty sure that I’ll be making one again for you to cheer on. Just kidding. So.. lets see, my last update was on? Oh yeah, that was ages ago. So I bet you’re wondering what’s happening lately. Oh, its just me and my life as a pretty messed up student. Feel better? *nah, cari kelaie kan* haha. I’m still adjusting to uni life. *allowance alum keluar yo* and I finally get a myself a laptop so I don’t have to share again at home? :D oh well, flashback to 2007 (the year I should be getting my laptop for my birthday but was cancelled), well, it means that I was waiting for my baby for at least 3 years. Now, where did I stop? Oh, yeah.. UNI life. So far nothing changes much. Except for now I have new classmates and I somehow missed my old wxckedsci classmate. Soooooo badly. When I said that nothing had change, I mean, I was referring to myself. I am still that kinda quiet girl you guys ecountered in form one. Except that I am not that quiet.. more to, annoying I guess. and you do know that my English is pretty bad, plus now, I can’t really talk properly. That is why I just have to try and converse in English.
And I assume that you know that I am living at the student residential college? Yes. At first I find that place to be a bit scary but I think I’m getting used to it. Its just that I hate Thursday nights there. Its kinda creepy when Thursday night approaches. And and I hate blogger for its uploading retardation. And worse, there’s no broadband connection in my room. Phone signals are bad in that area. Especially at our faculty. Yanyan’s room is on the second floor whilst mine is on the first floor. And yeah, did I mention that we are living on the same block with our secondary science teacher? Its good to see familiar faces. 
Basically, we shared the bathroom. It’s a big bathroom so it should fit everyone. Plus, the bathrooms are rarely crowded because everyone go to the bathroom at different time. Meaning, when you use the bathroom, you might be in there ALONE. Its creepy. And I usually use the second floor’s bathroom because the first floor’s bathrooms don’t really have a water heater. Actually, there is but I don’t know what happened. Somehow the water is still ice cold.
We shared the refrigerator too, for each floor, there’s two of it. And that damn thing are usually freaking full with everyone’s food. I usually label mine. so that in case someone wanted to drink my stuff or something , they could just knock on my room and ask for my permission. But so far, nothing like that happened.. yet. Oh, we don’t really have our own canteen. So we have to go to the male residential college to buy food. The food weren’t that good anyway. We HAD to walk and SWEAT like hell just to get our food. Sad isn’t it?
Journey to my faculty is a long one.
Sometimes I wish that I have a car.
I did a lot of thinking lately. I don’t feel like talking at all. I prefer to sit and sometimes I got lost in my own thoughts. Well, not sometimes. Its MOST of the time. I can barely concentrate on what people are saying. I was so distracted. I don’t know why. I know it’s annoying. And most of the time I appeared unfriendly. And I don’t feel like participating during lectures either. So I think I should try to consult my personal tutor soon. I get confused easily. And I am always unsure of everything. I think it’s because I feel insecure? Or maybe I’m just stressed out? And this thing continued when I go back home and when I am hanging out with my friend. I tend to.. keep quiet and listen or worse, stare at nothing in particular. I owe my friends an apology for that. And eka too.  she’s leaving soon but I barely talk to her. 
I really like my faculty though. The design and stuff. It’s cool. Irts just that I really hope that I could be more confident. That I could enjoy my life here.

And oh, I am still socially retarded. Especially with boys. I am not afraid of boys.. I think. I just don’t.. okay maybe I am a bit scared of them. Hehe =_______=” except for my classmates. I can’t possibly consider them as boys or else I won’t be able to talk to them at all. Hehe. I think, this blog post had officially turn into a whining post. D: sorry for that but you should know it by now.. I know you’re my biggest fan and you’ll follow me until I love you. :P kidding. But as a person who followed my blog since forever, you should get used to tis by now. Me and my endless rants. Hehe.

And I’m waiting for Alice Nine’s stargazer! :D and I’m still searching for that one nico nico episode. I can’t seem to find it. Can anyone please tell me at least the links to eng subbed nico nicos? THE SUBBED ONES. Thank you. I need to download HSJ! It’s been ages.
I need to get organised.
*sigh* my school life is a bit messed up right now. Who knows that this course is quite demanding. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I can barely breathe. I end up thinking of random stuff everyday. Useless one. Its less than two weeks to my clinical attachment and I am really nervous about it. I guess I’ll try to update my blog more frequently to reduce stress.

And lastly. I HATE SELFISH PEOPLE. Not really,I just dislike them.. but people should be more considerate, don’t you think so? I missed those random people I met in twitter. We used to have fun talking to each other back then. Then, the fucked up internet ate it all. :S I slept a lot these days. Its like I’m back to middle school. Gahhhh!

and i missed you guys so much..

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Years ahead.

2010-07-23T11:29:00.001+08:00

Friends would definitely know by now that i am taking up the diploma course in health science (nursing). Well, this wasn't planned at all as i expected that i'd fail the interview and this is just like a backup plan for me.

As you know, i love biology. So i guess, doing things that is related to biology is the closest thing i could do. Its not like i can't wait for another year but lets just put it this way.. I want to enjoy life as it is. I am actually directionless. I have targets, but that is so blurry that i can't seem to see anything else ahead of it. So i guess this is a turning point for me? *nods* i realised that i don't need to compete with people. Of course, doing a bachelor degree seems to be fun and promising, i'm not sure if i should wait one year to do it and what if i didn't enjoy what i'm doing later, like after skipping a year? Because, for me, its the little things that makes me happy. I'm not really up for some hell serious competition. Just some personal competition, personal satisfaction. People talk. But all they can do is just talk.

I've done my research too! :) well, some bits and pieces. I have a goal. Like, whee! Finally, a goal!

I have to finish my diploma in 3 years.

Who says life's easy?

I wanted to become an advance practise nurse. Possibly (CNS) clinical nurse specialist of oncology or cardiology. Two things that i've always wanted to do. And that'll probably take 5 more years?

5 + 3 years = 8 years.

Hoo yeah. By that time, most of the wxckedsci would probably already enjoyed their working life. =D i want to be a gardener too. Like, growing herbs.. This is as a result of watching a japanese documentary in NHK world, this woman named venetia had nothing but herbs at home and garden, she was living in this old cosy house in kyoto. Her life is so peaceful and fun. It makes me realised the little things that we missed in our everyday life. The show is quite interesting. She made a lot of stuff from the herbs she had grown. I want to live a peaceful like like her. It seems like a happy quiet life close to nature (and health). Well, thats just it. =)

i think i'll stop here.

I want to live my life. Slowly. Happily.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Years ahead.

2010-07-23T11:28:00.001+08:00

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

WHAT'S OUR PAIN FOR?

2010-07-21T22:15:00.002+08:00

No no no more pain.

KaTTUN ♥ ♥ ♥ FTW!

Hating is tiring, i don't know why people bother to hate. I love KATTUN. I love DBSK. i think mutual respect is needed. Respect on somebody's decision. Respect on somebody's interest. Less judging. No comparing, especially two different things.

Dong bang shin Ki and KaTTUN are two different group. I think, there's no such thing as number one or topping the others. What matters is the hard work, and how it was paid off, with respect and supports, just as they deserved it.

To KATTUN's fans, who claimed themselves to be one but left as soon as the letter A departs, can't you guys leave without any hateful remark? Stop being selfish and think of the five other members too. I mean, you guys are free to leave the fandom, it doesn't matter but just keep your stupid comments to yourself, and keep quiet if you have nothing better to say about the other five members, thank you. And yet you call yourself a fan. As a self-proclaimed fan don't you think you are responsible for your own reputation..? As you shamelessly labelled yourself as a fan and turn your back as soon as something like this happened. Its not even happening yet.

Cassies, always keep the faith ♥

"a fan doesn't have to be there from the begining, whats important is that they're there till the very end"

♥

(so does it mean KATTUN's debut in korea are planned earlier just as 5 members? I wonder)
lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Love like this

2010-07-09T00:03:00.001+08:00

Park Jungmin of Double S five oh one.

How could a man look so girly?
How could a man look so pretty?
I mean, that gotta be illegal right?

And how could a girl look so manly? *look at my own reflection* =(

i found this guy when i first landed on one of their vid last year. That is, a song calling for you, first impression is.. i don't like him at all because i'm all over baby (hyungjun) and kyujong because they have this hot vibes around them. Then, when i landed on lucky days.. I instantly fell in love with the florist.. He's so cute in it. His smile *melts* His voice is different from the others too. Two voices that i could recognise in their songs are his voice.. the deep voice and Youngsaeng's. I mean, who wouldn't recognise youngsaeng's powerful great vocal? :)

I love pretty girly looking boys. like, ueda.. Hahahah! ^ш^

I love love love love love love love love love love love love love his smile. Oh, and the teeth too. Haha. *blinks*

Note: some of the picture got watermark.... Obviously you know where i got the picture. Hahahah! But yeah, i hosted the image myself.. from my account so.. I guess i'm not really hotlinking.

Baby let me love ya love ya love ya. ♥♥♥♥♥

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Happy belated birthday :)

2010-06-25T20:20:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 28th BIRTHDAY SAGA KUN
♫♫♫ (belated)

on the 24th june.

o^__^o happy belated birthday saga kun. your guitar licking habit is... weird. Haha. <3 lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

poignant thoughts on repeat

2010-06-23T16:54:00.001+08:00

you're killing me.

You're killing me softly.

You did a very good job making me feel unneeded.

Its obvious.

I hate favouritism.

No matter how hard i tried, i can never change anything.

No matter how bad he is.

No matter how good i try to be.

We both know that.

In the end..

I am just me.

The whole problem is that i am me.

I have no place.

I'm not worth it.

That's why its really hard not to say anything hurtful to me because i'm not worth it.

No matter how wounded i am..

It has nothing to do with you.

I'm no one.

Sometimes, i ask myself, why are you doing this to me? Treating me this way..

I never ask anything much from you.

I never force you to buy me things.

You always have the option to say no. Which you always did. But the moment you said yes, you made sure that i would feel bad about it.

I stopped ranting in my blog.

because i feel pathetic.

i try not to bother you.

because i'm incapable of making you feel happy.

At times, i feel like an attention seeker because i never got your attention.

I try to make things work between us.

But it doesn't work.

I ask myself why.

Why do i even bother trying?

Why do i even bother hoping?

when there really is nothing to hold on.

zilch.

sometimes i feel pathetic for being happy with.. those little things you said.

It sounds so stupid to feel extremely happy with just a tinge of indication that you actually cared.

But nothing is really as it seems.

Definitely far from the way people see it.

:)

but i couldn't help it.

I have to smile.

Though it hurts.

I'm am here. For myself.

i'm sorry......

mom.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Tanjoubi omedetou gozaimasu INOO KEI KUN! :)

2010-06-22T09:11:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY KEI INOO♫♫♫

i love his smile.. you should too. :)

i wish you all the best Inoo kun. With the upcoming Hey! Say! Jump album. I bet eka had already pre ordered it? Haha

i just want to say, you're so hot hot. =) did i say that i love your smile? Yes. I think so. XP

oh yeah, i havent post it here.. Happy belated birthday to amaljamie, hareef, hazim, azrin, peng, lyana and eka. I know i missed a lot of greeting here. But i've greeted those people before. :) happy belated birthday wxckedsci!

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOOKIE OPPA!

2010-06-21T15:10:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIM RYEOWOOK LOVEEE♫♫♫

sorry, i'm tired so i just use whatever picture i have in my photobucket acc. If you want some good picture err.. find it yourself? Haha. Kidding.

do you realise how ~~sexy slash~~ cute ~~slash hot~~ he is?

He really is my type of guy. I mean, look at the face structure.. That's one reason. XD ~~if you noticed, my biases all shared the same quality. =P~~

don't worry, i'm a light fan. I'm not obsessed with super junior. I'm not. I swear i'm not.. yet XP

and i'm looking for a job now. Hunting for job sure is hard eh? :)

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Unlike you

2010-06-06T10:56:00.001+08:00

Unlike you, i don't have the support.

Unlike you, i can't do what i want.

Unlike you, i can't get what i need.

Unlike you, i am fine.

Unlike you, things are harder for me.

So Stop acting like a bitch.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

I want so badly!

2010-05-29T21:20:00.001+08:00

WISHLIST

ALERT..
Alice Nine's new single "SENKOU" is going to be out on AUGUST 25.

ooh yeah, look at the date! August, twenty fifth! Duh. Does that ring a bell..?

Its : ¥1590
i want the type A single.

I want it so badly. *kumpul duit*

this is one thing that i really really want.

Alice Nine!

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Hiro shiii

2010-05-07T22:01:00.001+08:00

It was hiroto's birthday last tuesday. Sadly, i am in no position to help people to trend #HappyBdayHiroto. The night before, me and two twitter friends were thinking of trying to trend it. At last, i did not log on twitter half of the day. I was tweeting #HappyBdayHiroto in the morning but as i reached lunchtime, i realised that i cannot access the internet. So it was a frustrating afternoon for me. Not being able to check out the birthday greetings on twitter by others.. It was a last minute plan, so... nyehh. Just before i got disconnected, i managed to post to the alice nine community. I don't know if its too late but its only lunchtime when i posted there, and a day before, i wrote on the walls of various alice nine fanpages and also alice nine members fanpages, to inform them about what we intend to do on twitter but i'm not convinced that it'll work so i googled some alice nine fan twitter and mentioned them about hiroto's birthday as well as random people who probably like alice nine. With each effort, my heart seems to be beating faster. Til now, i haven't check it out yet. I am pretty much frustrated that i can't continue the battle. I reckon, i should also inform people at the forums? And at that time, i wish i am one of the alice nine fanpage admin so that it's easier to spread stuff.. Writing on walls isn't that effective, if people didn't visit the page, they won't read it. Oh, well. Its over now, i hope our dear beloved hiroto will enjoy his 25th birthday. *lots of kisses and hugs* tanjoubi omedetou gozaimasu hiroshii.. <3 oh, lets see, now, i'm working on my A2 biology syllabus. and i'm working on a hiroto fanfict as well as a bleach fanfict. Pairing: GinRuki + ByakuRuki. sigh. I haven't figure out the ending yet. It was lame though. Its a comeback. Hahahaa. I'm thinking of updating my hey! say! Jump / KATTUN cross over. But seeing that i've reached 18 short chapters with no sense of direction, i may postpon the fict again. I'm begining to give up on that one. I lost track of what i'm doing. And lastly, i know i have to do a lot of relinking.. sorry sorry, i promise i'll do it later. I'm just.. A little busy and caught up in a lot of things. And to make things worse, i have a dental appointment with a specialist on saturday. I'm tired. I don't wanna go. But well, i need to fix my jaw.. And ask the specialist if i have to do any xray again if i wanted to put on a brace on my teeth. Oh. Fml. I missed my checkup appointment on thursday. And oh, i made an email address for the sole purpose of fangirling! And a twitter for alice lover! Maybe i can get one of the girls to help up!! And i've been watching this one Dbsk/snsd fanfict. I hope the author will update soon. Its Yoochun/hyoyeon pairing.. and Yoochun is behaving like a jerk in that fanfict! Lol. It was interesting and i can't wait for it to be continued. I usually hate chaptered fanfict because i hate waiting but this one i guess, its worth it. I can't quite find much hyoyeon/dbsk or sooyoung/dbsk fanfict around. Het fanfict is lacking.. Kpop and jpop are much preferred gay by fangirls. Its so heartbreaking. I have my own personal preferred shipping. ;D well, well, seeing that, you might have already guessed that i'm going a little too obsessed with kpop het fict, i even stumbled upon the nc-17 one. *hides face* really, i don't really know what i'm reading at first, and i go like, oh this is what nc17 rated ficts are. *awkward laugh* Then oh, i need to join some community instead of watching them.. I didn't realised that i was actually watching them but yeah.. There's more than 30 watched communities so.. I just have to change it.. Of course selected one only. I don't really intend to join all. Watching is fine. I found some "the kiddie" community. Like, yeahoo! *growing interest in the Kiddie and Sid* ohlalala. One reason for my growing interest is that.. The voice of their vocalist is so.. *melts* lawaaaa.. *thumb up* lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

life, as it should be.

2010-04-22T17:09:00.001+08:00

I see some updates at the dashboard. Sadly, i am in no position to read everything. I'll be coming back to read them all though.

.
.
.

The first wave of destruction is approaching. Gotta put on my shining armor.

Oh, yeah, i think i'm gay crushing on sooyoung and hyoyeon. Haha. Weeeeeiiiirddddddd.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

continuation of my previous post :D

2010-04-16T22:33:00.001+08:00

Where were we? Oh, i stopped at ueda.. Sigh. Lucky girl.

You know, there's this cnblue group that i'm avoiding. I mean, i had enough kpop group.. So i don't know where, but i accidentally listened to it. Only the middle part on the internet, it was a background music for something. Only a short part. I recognised the song straight away when i heard wetoria wetoria (tell me about it, i had enough of that on twitter. Haha.) before the song fade away and was replaced by ft.Island's "i hope" chorus.. That one little thing lead me to............. downloading the song and got stuck with it. Yeah, great. It was a good song though.

and i can't help falling in love with alice nine's mirror ball (vandalize edition). i've just downloaded ALL the tracks from vandalize album. well, except for three slow tracks, one is ballad. Why didn't anyone tell me that mirror ball vandalize edition, the album edition was wayyyy differen't than the mirror ball single??? Okay, for those who didn't listen to mirror ball, its two differen't tracks. The single edition is the rock version with bass, guitar and drums. The vandalize edition was solely on piano and slower than the single version. The song would've been really great if shou kun didn't overpowered it. I mean, if he just soften his vocal for just this song, it'll be a perfect one, he was.. Overdoing it? The feeling that he expressed in the song was too strong.. Well, we know how loud he is and how high he can hit the notes. I guess, he just have some problem with a lower notes? The piano is, however, great. I wonder if i'd be better if saga sing this song? I mean, saga's voice isn't that bad, he's the backup vocal and he's not that bad. And i just found out that shou kun and nao kun doesn't smoke! Cool! *twinkly eyes* i mean, if you ask me, even before knowing this, i had the suspicion that both of them smoke. I don't know but both of them are the top two that i expected to be the heavy smoker in Alice Nine but the award goes to.. *drumrolls*.. The vampire-ish tora kun! Hehs. What a shock! NOT!

I'd say that this album is one of the best Alice Nine Album ever but the first and second album wasn't that bad either. Its just that they improved a lot. I could say that the first album was all givuss-ish. Hard rock, loud, even shou's voice is slightly different. His vocal had improved a lot in this third album. But the differences are the things that makes alice nine so special. Each albums are different. I hope the upcoming album would be something unexpected, and also it'll be great if they make an album that have mixed concept of zekkeishoku, alpha and vandalize, plus a new concept. It'll be great! 2010 is a great year, they'll be performing in budoukan too! I wish for their success, and a growing fanbase throughout the continents. Lets work hard! Get more fans! Spread the Alice love! This boys worked really hard. I hope i can still enjoy their music even ten years later, i hope alice nine will still be standing ten years from now. Yes..! No matter how old they'll be.

I am never this confused before. I can't make up my mind on things now. Shit happens. Well. What happen to oliver? Hoho. Gonna see him this may/june exam. Eff my life. At least just for 3 papers, no, it'll be six.

Lets stop here now. Take care!

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Long time no see.

2010-04-16T22:12:00.001+08:00

Hello. Hmmmm.. its been a while isn't it? *woah trying to act like there's someone reading this* lalala. I have to say that there's so much going on this past few weeks. Eka went back to brunei, then, the excapade dinner gathering, then, the sudden interview and stuff. And the whole three messed up week i've been through. My study schedule was all over the place. Not to mention, spending my study time listening to Alice Nine, way to go effie! NOT. If i didn't mess my life up in the first place, i don't have to jump back to this shitful basic stuff all over again. So lets start with..

*smoke effects*
eka arrived in brunei.. then, we end up having a small gathering in excapade that friday night. The lovely people planned everything, thanks, i think hareef, amal and tikah reserved the seats. Eqah picked me up around 7.40. Arrived there around that time, that place was packed and people were lining up outside waiting for seats. It was great to see the wxckedsc people around. Left the place around 9.30 and some of up headed to taman baru.. Got home around 11.30. And oh yeah, i saw Eka's cat! Very fluffy and Cute! I feel like kidnapping it.

Oh, yeah, before that i met eka at the library..

Then, on a saturday afternoon, someone called. Normally, i don't pick up calls but the number was unfamiliar so i pick it up anyway, who knows it might be important. Turned out it was important. I was asked to attend an interview in IM regarding the diploma in healthcare that i've applied. Hmmm.. I blogged about it *points at prev post* it was the worst week of my life as my dad was pms ing the whole week. The reason is, my third brother was suspended from the hostel for a week. So he had to be sent and picked up everyday for a week. It costs everyone the pain. He is, i think, very selfish. Dad was in a very bad mood all week and the worst part is, my brother didn't even feel guilty. A turnoff.

Then, i really thought that eka was in bandar all week, turns out she's not. I could've seen her if i asked. I mean, i should've asked earlier. Planned something but i had to cancel everything last minute and i didn't get to see Eka before she went back to UK.

It was my dad's birthday last saturday. He was stil in a crappy mood. Mom told me that in the morning, he purposely ask my mom what day is it. My mom told him that it's saturday. Then, he just keep quiet. Me, my mom and danish went to bandar to fetch my first brother, we stopped by the cake shop and bought chocolate fudge for my dad. At first, we wanna get a fruit cake (you know, the one with strawberries, kiwis, peaches and mangoes on top of the fresh cream icecream) since its my dad's fav but then, i'm not sure if everyone would eat that so we just picked the chocolate fudge, we bought pizzas and egg tarts too. Got home and waited for him to return home from the surau, then, cut the cake, after he made up sing a happy birthday song. It was a simple one.

Okay, lets jump to monday, that morning i was on my twitter account when... I saw an update on johnny's.. Seeing UEDA TATSUYA.. I barely read and immediately clicked the link. Then..... *dropdead*

MY FREAKING UEDA HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY! and she's an actress and she's six years younger than him.

My heart stopped, i felt a huge lump in my throat and i wanna cry. I am both glad and jealous at the same time. I know, i know, you'll say, its just a guy from jpop idol group but no no, he's UEDA! UEDA!!!!!!! *scream dramatically*

ueda, no longer available. And the ueda in my head suddenly faded.. He is fully grown up now. Of course he need a girlfriend. If you ask me, she's one lucky *tut* girl. Haha. Okay, okay, i should be more supportive of their relationship. I'm stil on my heartbroken mode. It'll take time to heal this wounded heart. I wanna cry! Girl, please, please my ueda. Don't break his fragile sensitive heart. Make him happy. They looked cute together. I haven't do a full background check on this girl. Its hard to memorise her name, its ryoko, i think. She have this huge eyes. She's pretty alright..! She's LUCKY! Damn!

It won't hurt that much if he dated someone his age. I mean, for god's sake, he dated someone MY age!!! Age isn't a problem. The problem is now.... I'm jealous. Because she get that sacred heart of ueda. Okay, i'm exaggerating now. But still.. *nah, nda pandai habis* hehe. Luckily, i don't have a boyfriend. Imagine nagging my boyfriend about this! The whole month. Entah2 kana putuskan tarus pasal nda tahan. Haha. Ueda punya pasal.

*membawa diri.. merajuk*

so .. He's not gay! Someone better start a fanfict about both of them. I'm starting to get sick with those shonen ai fanfict about ueda. And some are too.. explicit. Haha. Make him straight this time..

*applause*
you girl! Better take care of him, you break his heart, i won't watch your drama! Haha. *Nah, salah*

[mobile posting limit]
to be continued..

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

the major blowoff

2010-04-05T13:27:00.001+08:00

Re-read my entries and there's a lot of annoying errors, typing errors. For example, typing 'in' instead of 'go'. As a result of typing quickly. So, what is today's highlight? There's nothing special really.

Okay, fine, i lied. I attended the diploma in healthcare / nursing interview. Hoo laa! First interview, i think it was a major blowoff. I mean, why do i have to make my life sounds so pathetic.? You know me, when i talk, i want people to know the foundation, the basic idea of what i'm talking about. So when the interviewer asked me to talk about myself, i go quiet. And you should know by now that i can be very careful of what i said and that i have issues with not being honest. I have this thing against saying things just for the sake of saying it, i have my own personal guidelines that i myself could not overcome. In this situation, i should be promoting myself. But being me, i tend to talk about my bad traits because i think that's the first thing that people should know about me. And no, i did not promote myself, it was my personality, though i only talk 5% about myself. I don't feel like i have to be someone else. The worst thing that i've mentioned must be the part where i told them that i am a quiet sort of person who don't really get along well with people and i forgot to mention that i have managed to find a way to actually overcome the problem. If you ask me, i think the interviewer must have think that i have no suitable quality to pursue this field. Next is my terrible pronouncation. My terrible 3seconds pause between every words i uttered. I was shaking. I was playing with the chair. I was basically doing things that i shouldn't do during an interview. My vocabulary was all over the place. I don't know what i said. I just keep on babbling. It was a major blowoff. Really. I feel silly sitting there. I'm a joke! My problem is that i was being too honest, i didn't make any effort to show any enthusiasm towards the course. T__T i screwed up.

with that, i learnt a few valuable lessons.
-don't be too honest.
-get enough sleep the day before. I only slept for 3 hours so i can't think much during the interview, i took a long time to process the whole thing.
-be confident.
-don't play with the chair even though its fun.
-bagi salam.

Before entering the room, I was like, "okay, knock the door, bagi salam" and i was chanting the whole thing over and over again.. Then, i entered the room and went speechless and sit down. I have no manners at all. What a disgrace!

It was my first interview. Ever.

It was tiring.

I went to the interview on an empty stomach.

We stopped by giant to eat and change my simcard later. Then, went back to kb.

Oh yes, now that i'm done with the interview, i am free to feel sick now. But being sick doesn't mean that i should flunk the interview. I'll probably go to the hospital later. I need to have a rest now.

Bai bai. XD

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

explode into orange

2010-03-23T23:53:00.001+08:00

Books and worms.

Polishing my shiny armor.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Holidays! XD

2010-03-21T21:42:00.001+08:00

School holiday finally hit brunei. The ten days holiday generally triggered the excitements of kids since the last day. Some may have plans to go "overseas", others prefer to invade the local hotels and shopping mall. This is exactly the time when our hotels in the capital are fully booked. No kidding. Anyway, for some secondary students, pre uni students and college students, school holidays is a tormenting period, with loads of homeworks and assignments and possibly, planning of presentations. Chill. Organise your time. :)

as for me, i have no special feeling towards this holiday. Since i am on a holiday until august. Oh, lucky me isn't it? Hell no. I have to study til june then, i have to find a job. Til august. I would like to buy that mini sewing machine and that roll up keyboard. and yes, a new dvd player! Grrr. Next week is my little brother, Danish's and my second younger brother, Aqil's birthday. On the 28th and 31st of march. Then, it'll be oliver's birthday this early april and my dad's birthday on the 10th of april. I'm going to bake chocolate cupcake for my brothers. Danish requested the one with liquid chocolate center. If i have enough money to even make the truffle. Then, i'll make that one. And since i preferred whipping cream.... X9 i guess, i'll make that one too for the topping. But i heard that my mom is planning something too.. so, no confirmation yet.

Eka will be back home around next week too. So i hope i can spare a day to visit her. Hehehe. Or even better, bring her out to eat. I had that river side gerai in my mind. X)

Maybe i should do some pic spam? Kekeke.. Neh, maybe later. And oh, i think i'm going to like the kiddie. No kidding. The vocalist voice is great. I forced myself to listen to one of their song recently. Versailles isn't that bad too as well as ayabie. Well, well. Kenzo and Yumehito are cute! XD

lately, i'm having nightmares. It's scary. Sometimes i'd woke up at 3am, feeling sad and wanting to cry because i had a very bad dream. Its been a few days already. I'm sacred to sleep...

Went out with eyan and eqah this afternoon.. eQah was wearing a black dress with her black hose rock and boots. Lawaaaa! They went straight to my place after eQah finished working.. I was surprised because i was telling ghost stories loudly to danish that i didn't notice their arrival. I changed my clothes, and joined them after danish gave his permission. XD we went to the beach, then, we went to milimewah to buy my lotions because my hands and legs are drying lately. Then, as usual, we get an icecream.. it should be my treat but eQah wanna pay with her reason "i'm the one who's working". I don't feel like arguing. Pfffff! Haha. Then, we go to... seria and back to kb. i know right. We went to seria, round the place and then went back to kb because there's nothing to do there. Haha. Membuang minyak. XP anyway, i like D-NA's the admirer track. I think the group's name is dae guk nam ah translated as the boss? That is if i remembered it correctly. Average age is 17.4 korean age. Real age is probably 16? Idk. Haha but they're cute. They looked older than me, that's more important right. XP and i like T-ara's i go crazy because of you. I might have a thang fop T-ara since i heard Time to love 1 and 2. They're great. And the collaboration with supernova was awesome. They looked hot together. Hehehe. Hmm. Jauh menyimpang dah ni. And and i just realised that lee seung gi that sang lets broke up and the one that starred in brilliant legacy is the same person! Baka me. That drama makes me awwing over him. And seeing him in his graduation robe and cap makes me wanna work harder now. He's such a hawttie. XP HMM.. Okay, should really stop now.. XP

well,well. That's it for now. I'm not in the mood to continue anymore. anyeong!

music: SuG - gr8 story

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

heartflooded

2010-03-11T21:44:00.001+08:00

I'm never gonna be good enough for you. Before i even realised it, i've stopped trying a long time ago. What's left but a scar. A deep scar. As i try to medicate it over the years.. The wounds seems to heal slowly but why do you have to pick on the scabs and let it bleed.. When the wounds are nearly healed.

I forgot.

This is life.

Before i would even want to say anything more.. Someone said that our god is fair, life is fair, be fair to life and don't expect life to be fair if you're not fair blah blah blah..
Right?

WRONG!

God is fair. Forever will be. That's the only right thing that the creature had stated.

Life isn't fair. If its fair, everyone will be happy. And that's not life.

We don't have to be fair to life.

Face it. Think.

Thank you.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Pieces of my past : looking back alice 3

2010-03-07T23:03:00.002+08:00

Posted on : 21 May 2009
I want to run.

And when i do, i don't want to stop.

My stamina is =(

i'm weak.

And i'm in love.. WITH HIM! =D
i want him like so badly.. Arrrh.

he's cool, he's cute, he's hot.

=D

*sprinkling love dust* CX

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Pieces of my past : looking back alice 2

2010-03-07T22:39:00.003+08:00

Posted: 29 march 09
This is Tora, alice nine.'s guitarist (err. The stage right guitar player, hiroto's the left) and i think he's the MOST ~~good~~ cool looking in alice nine. =P. My list goes like this.. Hiroto, Tora and Nao. I mean, i've just realised/notice him and yet he's been standing there, in the picture all this while. And i have this specific interest in japanese guys / east asian guys that keep their hair un-dyed, ie black.

I know its not fair that i fall for these guys for their looks. Hahahah. =D

i think he's the weird one out. Just like koki from KATTUN. :)

i don't know but there's SOMETHING about him. (they're cute in Shunkashuuto mv, check it out. Its not that hard to find my Hiroto, he's way shorter than the rest. Plus, school uniform babyyy.. =D and a sec of basketball scene.And i don't know that nao wears glasses, he's the good boy in shunkashuuto while the others.. =.=! I stil wonder what Hiroto read in the class-i think its a manga, since he's thrown out of class for reading.. With 3 other members, except nao, he's the good boy (i think one is sleeping, one is eating and Tora is daydreaming.. Im not quite sure.. Tapi hiroto is cute, i mean ia pendek and nampak belabih. XD)

okay, maybe his hair isn't exactly black..But still, compared to saga's or shou's or nao's or hiroto's or ueda's or..Oh, nevermind. =D

see? Isn't he cute?

Okay, thats just it i'm out. My biology notes tak siap2 lagi. Sheeesh.

Their Q. song is nice. =D =D saya sukaaa.

*sprinkling love dust* CX

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Pieces of my past : looking back alice 1

2010-03-07T22:30:00.002+08:00

Posted on: 1 february 2009

hiroto = the shortest/ guitarist
nao = the drummer
shou = the vocalist
saga =?
tora =?

Im nt sure, i think either 1 of the is the bassist.

Looked better w/o make ups too. :D

thats it

Hahahaha

*sprinkling love dust* CX

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

A lot of stuff crammed together.

2010-03-01T10:11:00.002+08:00

well, i promised that i'll update this baby blog of mine a few days ago but i was *cough* busy *cough* and i can't pin myself down to compose a post. Now, aren't you happy to see me again? Your hot cute blog author, yo effie is in the house! okay, it won't hurt to be a bit vain right? Oh yes. Haha. its already MARCH, so i would like to take this chance to actually greet our february babies. firstly belated birthday, my cousin, wadud suhaili, then, fikri the otaku, haha, then, si hafayazot or hafiz bakar, si Afixses or Afiqah kamis, Si mariyale or Maryam Rajid and aliaa manan. May Allah bless you guys. Okay, done with the greeting..

I would like to say that i've heard KATTUN's love yourself last two weeks. XD not bad. *eksen, karang ia jua tu balik2 mention/nyanyi* didn't watch the Mv tho. I watched the live performance yang rambut si Ueda bida atu and Jin was annoying. Okay, poor Jin.. I always bash him one. Haha. *tiru gaya chinese di china town bercakap kalau joking* then, i think i've mentioned that i love Taguchi's hair. X9 haiya. Nakamaru's hair is stil the same mcm masa vid rescue ah only its a bit longer..

Then, i've listened to karasu too. ;D at first, i didn't like it. They're right, it sounds like a softer version of MUCC. but my reason for not liking it when i listen to it for the first time is that it sounds so familiar, the introduction. And the development of the song went like this *shows hand motions* like a nearly straight line, like nothing too special.. It was like everything was repeated from the begining to the end, its like all the same. BUT THEN, I STARTED TO LIKE IT. I mean, first impression isn't always right. The sound wasn't that bad. I love the crow themed costume too. Everyone looked fine except for Tatsurou (vocalist from MUCC and also for karasu). Seriously, CUT YOUR HAIR! The long straightened hair looked awful man. At least dunchi (jealkb), kenzo (ayabie) and mizuki (sadie) had their hair short and their make ups are a bit too dark. As usual, my hiroto.. blonde hair. The hottest in the group. XD So the summary is that i love the song! Looking forward to their next work but i think all of them are busy with their respective bands, well, as long as pon chan remained in Alice Nine, its fine for me.. Don't break my heart please.

Which reminds me, i need more MUCC and GazettE. And here comes the worst part, i know, i missed something, its HEY! SAY! JUMP! And this reminds me something.. i need to rant out to Eka about something when she gets here, like seriously. Okay back to HSJ, i haven't listen to it okay? I know about it but i can't seem to spend some time to actually listen to it. So yeah. And i followed this canadian girl on twitter because she was a fan of johnny's stuff and she likes ohno and HSJ. Guess what? I unfollowed her ten minutes later.. Her tweets were full of yamada love!! I was sort of irritated because i'm not that fond of yamada. Its like yamada yamada yamada yamada. I was stressed out when i was looking at it. Haha. There's this japanese guy from a band who followed me too. Just to be nice, i followed him. He don't really update much but his tweet page was more to interacting with people and acknowledging people about his band. Apparently, he's in college and he's studying english. Added him on facebook, cause i am curious about how this guy look (who knows if he's cute) but my friend request have not been accepted, i think. He once complained to some tweeters that facebook is hard to be used. I haven't check the band's page on pc yet so i can't say anything, its hard to access it through phone browser. Heard that they're recording their song.. and that they're new. Hopefully, they're good. Their genre is hard rock. Should be cool. Well, lets just stop that. I have some stuff to be done before 4th march, the deadline for entering a college.. I'm applying for biotech for my first options and agricultural science for my second options but i'm stil aiming university though. I applied nursing too but i'm targeting the bachelor of science degree after this june exam for the second intake. Wish me luck. I have a lot to study as i can't remember my AS much.. But pray for me okay, i know, its seems unrealistic but i'm aiming for double C or a B and C or double B. Yes, i took only two subjects. I will take my sociology in november though.

I want a light brown contact lens.

Well, gotta in now.. Take care. Mwahs.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

desperados..

2010-02-19T10:45:00.001+08:00

A Lot of things happened this month.. the year had just started and i'm so exhausted. No, i've got nothing significant to be shared. Except for the alevel result, everything's fine. I do mentioned that i would like to find a *cough* boyfriend this year.. well, actually, i was about to change my mind about that. I wanted to focus on my june alevel but i decided that academic achievements shouldn't be mixed up with personal life right? More over, its not like i'll find that someone straight away, its just my way of saying, perhaps i'll open up a bit instead of blocking up everything that was infront of me.. More like, trying to push away those hatred and all. So i'll be more accepting. And no, i'm not desperate so i won't just grab anyone i like and confess. Duh, its stupid. I mean, after a week, a month, and you call that love? Come on. Grow up. Its not like that. Love needs time. Most of the failure in relationship is caused by desperation, unwillingness to wait and lastly to always assume that if the opportunity infront of them is wasted, the other person would ran away. Please, if its love, they'll wait. So if your relationship fail, its YOUR own fault.

But then, perfect relationship also fall apart.. So no comment. But if a person keep on breaking up, find a new one, then break up, then, find a new one, then break up.. Then,find a new one, Who's fault is that? Hooking up with someone just to forget your ex is the most foolish thing i ever heard of. Well, siapa suruh gatal sangat kan be-bf or gf right? Nda sabar2, grab ja anyone yang terpakai.. Balik2 kena pun masih tak serik2. Puhlease lah. Hahah. Nah, we're out of topic dah. I hate desperados. You too right? Haha. Correction, i dislike desperados.

Been busy with applications to college and stuff. Going back and forth.. kau diam ah, my life isnt fucked up yet. I have a great life to cherish. I may fail now, so what? Kau kan ambil exam untuk aku? *nah sensitip* hahahahah. I was thinking of a short update but if i wanted to short update a blog, isn't it better to just post it in my twitter? Like, duh. Been out beach-ing balik2 with the e's. My skin are darker. Tanner. I'm hotter, okay, I WAS JUST KIDDING! Don't look at me like that. Yes, you, the one who make faces infront of your monitor! Haha. Everything's fine at home, i'm good. I'm happy. Its just that sometimes i'm bored to death. I haven't bought a new dvd player yet so cannot watch Eka's dvd balik2.. watched them with my cousin's pc the other day. Can't fangirl as much as i want to. I have a lot of pending dvds to buy but i can't, not without a new dvd player.. cemana tah kan meliat tu kalau dibali. Hahahah

SERIOUS ALERT! I Haven't watch/listened to karasu's lastica. fail fail fail. I would love to pic spam hiroto and the other karasu members from sadie, ayabie, mucc, etc. I really wish that tatsurou would cut his hair. It looks terrible, he could've been hotter! One question, are they still a project band or they're a real band now?? So sad, i got no one to update me in this area. Hahahah. Anyway, isn't hiroto is innocently hot? Hahahah. Drop your messages, thoughts and questions in my tagboard and and and please, feel free to ask me questions on -> www.formspring.me/effieloveskies <- you'll appear anonymously, dont worry. Please. *buat muka kiut* haha. Nadabah. Okay, i have to go now. Bye bye.
lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

oliver fever ;D

2010-02-09T21:55:00.001+08:00

I just feel like blogging again. As the title said.. O.L.I.V.E.R!

We went to school today, so i think oliver is having his free period or something because he was walking here and there with his friends. I saw him at the foyer and he's soooooooo cute. Eqah told me that he's looking at our direction and i was so kambang when i look at him.. He's just soooo cute but i never like it when he looked at me.. Okay i lied, i like it okay? But his expression was that as if he hated me or something. I noticed that, (duh of course i noticed because i STARE AND LOOK AT HIM LIKE CRAZY WHEN HE'S BUSY LOOKING SOMEWHERE ELSE) Well, as i said, i noticed that his good friend is the one who makes him turn to me everytime we crossed each other's path. That guy would see me, then say something to him, then, he'll turn and look it me with somewhat that surprised then annoyed expression. Sigh. Probably the friend noticed that, i always looked at him. Somehow, when we're both are alone walking past each other, he'll turn head away and i would look down. Sigh. Sometimes it makes me wonder if he even noticed me.

Accidental eye contact is normal. =/ i always wish that i wouldn't look away so fast.. That i could just look at him a few seconds more when we accidentally made an eye contact. The truth is, i'm afraid to. As much as i am enjoying it, i mean looking at him..... I dont want him to notice. Of course, he caught me a few times staring at him.

Another thing is that, WHY DO I HAVE TO LOOK DOWN when he's walking towards my direction and walk past me.. Chance to look at him TOTALLY WASTED. Now, after this.. How am i going to bear it when i wanna look at that face again..? Howww?

And when am i going to learn that this crush is going nowhere?? Its been what? Four years??? I've tried moving on.. I've tried not to let my heart skip a beat when i see him. I've tried liking someone else. Every faces that reminds me of him, every move that reminds me of him.. If i liked them because they reminded me of him, isn't that just wrong?

I remembered crying when one day, the day before facebook, the day before twitter, when i saw her picture in his friendster account. I was sad the whole week. And i was extremely happy when he removed it not long after that.

I can't live like this forever. Sometimes i just feel like saying hi to him so that he'll know that i existed. Sometimes i wish that i just have the courage to do that.

Maybe if he's the one who tell me that there's no chance, i'll eventually move on. Just maybe.

We met a lot of times today. I thought i was over him. But the second i say him..... everything just fall into pieces. I was so sure that i am so over him but..

:) slap up the happy face. I'm done here.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

your seed translation. fits current situation.

2010-02-08T23:02:00.001+08:00

Translation
Believe yourself,
You can get it on.
Believe yourself,
You can make it up.
Believe yourself,
you can believe
Believe yourself,
in yourself

Believe yourself,
You can get it on.
Believe yourself,
You can make it up.
Believe yourself,
you can believe
Believe yourself,
until the very end.

Isn't it better to believe in yourself
instead of vague rumors?
Because it's something you really want to do you shouldn't run away from it.
Even though when you talk about life
it echoes heavily in your chest,
parting with the courage to say what you like
is something you shouldn't do.

If you keep not giving up,
there will always be a chance.
The story won't end.
Never Ending Story
The dream continues.
Never Ending Story
The dream continues.

Believe yourself,
You can get it on.
Believe yourself,
You can make it up.
Believe yourself,
you can believe
Believe yourself,
in yourself

Believe yourself,
You can get it on.
Believe yourself,
You can make it up.
Believe yourself,
you can believe
Believe yourself,
until the end

Isn't it better to be confused
instead of staying calm all the time?
If you live carefully, doesn't your heart yearn for stimulation?
Even though when you talk about 'eternity'
and it seems to become far away so quickly,
happiness is something, that if you have a path to chase after it, you can feel.
If we go over there, which isn't here,
there will be something that we can't find here.
If you believe in yourself
Never Ending Story
The dream continues.
If you keep not giving up,
there's always a chance whenever it is.
The story won't end.
(It won't end.)

Never Ending Story
The dream continues.
Never Ending Story
The dream continues.

Believe yourself,
You can't get it on.
Believe yourself,
You can make it up.
Believe yourself,
you can believe
Believe yourself,
in yourself

Believe yourself,
You can't get it on.
Believe yourself,
You can make it up.
Believe yourself,
you can believe
Believe yourself,
until the very end.

credits: shimizumiki.livejournal.com

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

the big fat announcement :')

2010-02-07T09:51:00.001+08:00

So here's the big announcement.

I've got straight U and a C for my gp.

To be honest, i am not satisfied with my biology. Hmm. Buleh mark lagi sekali kah? Are you sure that's my paper you're marking? EXAM ATU SANANG WAH! Cemana buleh tu?? Hahaha.

Don't worry, i'm okay. I'm fine. I hope you support me and whatever decision i'm going to make in the future. I ditched my backup plan. I'm going to college instead. I'm targeting the mtssr college though. A long way to go to even get my hands on the degree but i will try to get it, no matter what. Or if there's any other better options, i will surely grab the opportunity.

I'm gonna get myself a job and get my hands on that sexy mini sewing machine.

To wxckedsci-er.. Congrats for those who got a very good result and the average one. To those who didn't manage to scrap through, like *cough* me, haha. Lets get our but off the solid ground and start again. We're not defeated yet. Press the reset button. We're wanna go rocka rocka rocka rocka rocka rock so fantastic. We just have to move at a slower pace. *ring ding dong ring ding dong ring diggy ding diggy ding ding ding* haha. Aja Aja fighting!

Ganbatte ne! ^_^

So yeah, that's it. I'm off.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

nothing for you

2010-02-04T18:56:00.001+08:00

Lets see. I've got nothing for you. Its been a while since the last time i updated... with a song lyric that is. I've been waiting for my alevel result for almost a week now and nope. It isn't out yet. The result arrived here in brunei on the 25 of january but this is.... The second of february. I don't know why but people are getting restless. False alarms are every where, every new day people will be shouting out 'result will be out today' but as the day ended, still, No result. Its been days like this. I don't really freak out as much as i did on the first day of the false alarm. No. I'm sick of it. But stil, people seems to do that every day. I think it'll only stop when the result's really out. =S

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

2010-01-29T23:52:00.001+08:00

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

lyrics: lost - ueda tatsuya

2010-01-29T23:35:00.001+08:00

LOST – Ueda Tatsuya (KAT-TUN)
Lyrics: Ueda Tatsuya

Itami ni modaeru
Hitoshizuku no ai
Nomihosezu ni iru

Uzuite
Kono mama
Oku ni yariagete
Nukedasezu ni iru

If we look up at this beautiful sky
Maybe we can be innocent again
It's never late to make a change

Kegarete
Kowareta karada dake wo
Karamase tsuite
Nigedasanaide yo
Surikiresou deshou?
Imasara nakidasanaide ne
Mata hi ga ochiteku
Being lost

Ai no nai kajitsu
Kiku mimi motazu ni
Kusarikakete yuku
Kutte wa kuwarete
Doko made kuchiru ka?
Hikarinaki ana e

Strip yourself of pride
You won't be prisoner of the artificial world.
Don't try to fake it, just be real

Ai no ki sakasete
Kawaita nohara ni wa hana wo
Kokoro ni wa eien wo
Itsuka wa todoku no?
Hajimete mita yume no tsuzuki wo
Mada tooi keredo
Being lost.

Ah
Saigo kurai
Kirei ni soko
Tonde misete

Kegarete
Kowareta karada dake wo
Karamase tsuite
Nigedasanaide yo
Itsuka wa todoku no?
Hajimete mita yume no ori wo
Mada tooi keredo
Being lost

LOST – Ueda Tatsuya (KAT-TUN)
Lyrics: Ueda Tatsuya

Returning and worrying about pain
A drop of love
That has not been drunk
Aching
The way things are now
Commit it in the interior
It has not slipped away

If we look up at this beautiful sky
Maybe we can be innocent again
It's never late to make a change

Flithy
Bodies that are broken
Tangled together
Don ’t run away
Maybe I’m getting worn out?
Don’t cry about it now
The sun will set again
Being lost

A fruit without love
Without ears to hear things
They slowly rot away
Eating or being eaten
How much will it rot?
To a hole where light dies
Strip yourself of pride
You won't be a prisoner of the artificial world
Don't try to fake it, just be real

Let the tree of love bloom
A flower in the dry field
Eternity in our hearts
When will it reach?
The continuance of the dream I first had
Is still far away
Being lost

Ah
Like it is the last
Beautifully at the bottom
Show me you can fly

Flithy
Bodies that are broken
Tangled together
Don ’t run away
When will it reach?
The dregs of the dream I first had
Are still far away
Being lost

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Too late, let me give you a heartbreak

2010-01-26T22:38:00.001+08:00

lets give this baby of mine some update. *insert long sigh* okay.. I don't know that it'll be this hard just to update this blog. At first, i'm thinking of UEDA pic spamming but i have no time for that. So i decided just to type away.. a short post. Oh yeah, and also not to forget the fact that i'm really stressed out. Like, oh god really.

Its DEPRESSING! look at the calendar! LOOK LOOK!!!! Minus the fact that i'm unemployed, life's just perfect. Really, things went very well, the way i want it to be. NOT! I am dead bored. I'm doing favours for people because i'm dead bored. Yes, its that bad. It came to a point where i listened to KATTUN's songs all day and try to guess their voices and refer to the videos when i'm not so sure. Pathetic eh? But one thing for sure, i can proudly say that i knew all ueda's part ;D his voice is different. Maybe not the best among the six of them.. My unbiased judgement will put him in the fifth or sixth place among the six of them together with dear beloved Junno. Tapi, my personal favourite would be him.. That is my personal opinion because i rove rove rove rove rove rove rove rove rove him so mucho damn rove him. Don't ask me why. Oh my, we're off topic xp. Haha.

Okay, back to down mode. Alevel result will be out soon. Personal statement progress is 0% because i don't feel like doing it. Boo! I've been very very moody this two weeks. Its like, every little thing would definitely piss me off.

I haven't check for any johnny's update. The last thing i know was that kanjani 8 released a single at the 25th of december last year. I will get back to johnny's/japan world soon. I've been listening to big bang, super junior, shinee, tohoshinki and ss501 lately. Very kpop indeed. xp. well, well, they were nice. Especially ss501. Oh yeah and this korean group called Ze:A. OH EM GEEEEE... They're cute. One guy really got my attention, maybe its because his style or something. I think his name is Tae-Heon. There's this other guy but i forget his name. I've only heard one of their song called mazeltov. Well, not bad, biasalah boy band. They consist of 9 boys. X9. Okay, nah, tersasar lagi kan! xp

anyone know how to delete a livejournal account? I wanted to delete mine and maybe create a new one. So is my wordpress, i want to delete it after i deleted all of my entries. And i'm thinking of deactivating all my other net accounts that uses my old email addresses. Its a troublesome, really. Thinking that i have accounts on so many sites and didn't even know, which email address or password to be used when signing in. For example my tagged account, my xanga, my netlog, etc etc etc. So i had to think twice, well, more than twice if i want to create another net account. In my case right now, its plurk. *look at amal* hehe. Entahlah. Maybe i will create a plurk account, for since twitter will be down for at least once every two or three month. Hahahah. Nadawah. So if you see ada plurk at thee sidebar, meaning.. I've created a plurk account..Duh. Haha.

Anyway, have you heard about old pedophile in indonesia who killed small boys?? Isn't that just scary? Oh yes, it is. Creep! There's this one case where the old man cut the child into pieces! =O oh my! Tua kan mati pun masih jua kan bunuh anak anak. Inda sadar diri. Pasal masa ia damit ia kana sexually harassed by a man and Parents nya kasar arah ia. SO FUCKING WHAT? STUPID! Kalau pun macam atu, nda payah jua jadi pedo. Or was it a mental disease kah pedophile ani? What ever! You have no reason to murder innocent boys. Titik.

like i've said, Alevel result will come out in a few days time. I'm sooooooooooooooo worried. A cousin's cousin who is much more pandai than me didn't even get through alevel. What should i expect? X( OH MY! I can't sleep peacefully. I can't do anything without feeling stressed. Well, talk about stress.. My gum bleed unexpectedly yesterday. I was watching tv when i feel like there's blood in my mouth, turns out my gum was bleeding and it only stopped after five minutes. I rushed to my mom's bedroom and quickly searched for tissues. It was terrible. I don't know why, maybe i am just stressed. Oh yeah, i've just realised that i no longer make fun of people here and type bad stuff about some people that i disliked.. Hahaha. So, maybe that is why things get so boring. Hehe. Well, its better that way.

One thing i wanted to tell here is that.. if you added me on facebook, please make sure that you introduced yourself at least a week after i confirmed your request, that is for people who used weird names for their facebook. It sort of bother me you know. That is if you don't want to be removed from my friend list.. I don't need some sort of cartoon character to be my friend or i don't want people named "bumbblebedabedookiller", thank you. And and and and and and please, don't be disgusting, don't ever ask "hai, buleh berkenalan?" oh my god, kamu sedang mentest kesabaran ku kah? i've accepted your friend request, so no need to ask such disgusting question. Sooooooo lame. I think my girls agreed with this. So boys, one important tip for you boys, that is if you wanna be successful with girls, never ask such question! That is such a big turnoff!

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Christmas eve

2009-12-24T22:01:00.001+08:00

So, its nearly christmas. I want to watch the christmas carol! If its even possible, i want to watch the cartoon, the musical and the latest "a christmas carol" movie! It'll be awesome! And oh, also, the barbie version! Bahagia hidup. XP

then, there'll be new year so i better write down those resolution, to be exact, last year's resolution! My japanese is definitely great udah! Hahaha. NOT! And oh, i think i'll make a few changes for this 2010. Firstly, it'll be something related to my private life. I will try not to be too mean and sexist to boys, can't promise that though but yes, i will open up a bit. Second, i will try to finish everything that i started, EVERYTHING. Thirdly, i am not going to retake sociology alevel, if i have to retake the exam. Okay, negative thoughts invading. XD

i finally found the knitting needle. Now, i just have to search for yarns, which isn't that difficult but i can't find black and white yet.

Me and my cousin had been pastering around facebook this past few days. One of em had just added this guy. We've been stalking this senior of mine from my secondary school. And hahahahah, he's single! woot woot. XD then, my cousin asked "mau kami tolong to get you and him together?". Hahaha. Nope. Cause they quickly added that "kami dapat tolong sikit2 saja. Mcm awal2 atu, kau ani kasar wah.. Hancur plan kalau biarkan kau sendiri2 lapas atu," hahahahaha.

Hmmmmpfh. Now, what else? Blogpost si amal yang recent lawa! XD yang pasal clicking links to blog etc. Well, apa nya urang, surf at your own risk. Macam, baca blog urang then kalau nda suka diam saja. Jangan jadi biotches. Hehe. Well, aku pun nda suka urang penaguran ani. Merumitkan hidup urang. XD NAH, AKU PULANG MENTAL ANI! Hahaha. Well, tadi i do have something to blog but i got distracted again. CX

well, sebelum i got more distracted and added more craps, i better stop now.

Well, merry christmas. :D

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

second update for today. :)

2009-12-11T15:30:00.001+08:00

Have you ever experienced the time when you can't seem to process anything that were said to you even after 4times being repeated? That's what happened to me. Well, yes, lately. Oh hello there. Thanks for dropping by. Its been a while since my last life entry. Oh well, i don't really check blogs much. Maybe a few friends' blog and also alexevans.net and maybe checking a9 blog translations once a week. My lifejournal is untouched and so is my wordpress. Maybe i'll change this blog's layout again, maybe not. The urge to leave this blog and move to wordpress is bugging me again but i've got a few unsettled issues with wordpress so i won't be moving there just yet.

You know even after almost two years, i am still not used to living like this. I think it'll takes a few more years for the family to be stable back.. I don't know but this is pretty much tormenting. Its like one time, you could have everything you wanted and the next thing you know.. pooof! Everything's gone, you just have to live with what's left.. You don't really understand what i'm trying to say right? Well, one doesnt have to know everything so.. :)

My calories counting was all over the place. Should start again. You know, after the short vacation, i was too happy so i kinda take things lightly and eat my heart out. Plus, i was staying at my cousin's place for a few days so that days... I ate a lot as we usually sit in the kitchen. Its like eat eat and eat. So i should start it all over again.

Moving on to something else.. I am too kind this past few weeks. I approved EVERY friend requests in fb! =__= i know that i have to remove some people later.. especially the *cough* boys and kids and..the Biatchlicious. Hahahah. Usually i would be thinking and click the ignore button but i don't know why i approved them.

Oh yeah, i'm currently listening to.. Bigubang's with you. i like their gara gara go and oh! My friend. I think their new songs are better than the old one because out of all songs that taeyeon gave me mid last year.. i only liked one song, which is last farewell. One song, now i wished i wouldn't have deleted all of their songs because at that time i'm stil japanese biased. Haha. I know that their group name is big bang but i like to call them bigubang. Haha. Cute jua tu. Hahahaha. I want their japanese album and tohoshinki's. Anyway, i watched mblaQ's oh yeah vid last week. They're ohhkay.. its just that i think, they're full with that macho matured vibes.. i prefer cute cute guys than those who are a little too manly. CX but not as cute as U-kiss's kevin, i think that guy is overly cute for a guy, the way he talked and all. Oh god, i hope he wouldn't read this. Hahaha. I've been searching for zth's fallen angel and tara's &choshinsong's time to love tracks. The 8mb song wouldn't fit my phone. =__= so i was trying to find the song with a smaller size.

okay, enough with korean stuff. I'm NOT a korean freak okay. I know nothing about korean stuff. Moving on to my japanese stuff. MUCC is going to release a new single this christmas! I am looking forward to this. =3 also, i stil haven't hear alice nine's hana. Sad sad.
I want to try listening to anCAFE but you know, i'm afraid that they'll be a bit frustrating. Deleted most of my GazettE's songs too and 12012 and dir en grey to give some space so that my phone won't lagg. I formatted the phone memory like, twice a week to get rid of the unwanted stuff. I still can't find any good messenger for my n70 phone. =/ ebuddy sucks big time. Hikaru birthday is tomorrow! He's haaaaaaaaaaaawwwwtttt! I ugh.. Haha. Pipah miss si eka! ^^ i don't know, even if we did manage to get in touch and all, i can't seem to think of what to say.. I guess that i know that you're alright.. and you're living your life great over there.. That i don't have to worry as much as i used to.. I mean, you know, we'll end up not talking much even if you called, or even if i manage to catch you online.. Because it seems awkward. My life over here.. Well, i couldn't say that everything's perfectly fine but i could say that i have to fix a lot of things in my life. So much to be fixed. My future? I can't see anything ahead, if i didn't get everything fixed, there won't be anything significant happening up ahead. I see challenges and obstacles that i have to overcome, something that i fail to see before, which cause me to jump happily into this mess. Nah, emo sikit.

Aku miss si @tikahY!! And @amaljamie.!! Walaupun selalu nampak kamu di twitter but i could say that, twitter ku siuk sendiri. Hahahaha. Bah.. Mau ke beach??? like a small wxcked gathering? Mcm masa surprise bday sharifah dulu. But bawa saja junkfood ah.. Yang penting everyone's there. Tapi kan.... nda boreng kah tu? I think banyak yg holiday. Hahaha. Nah, berpikir jua ku tu. Well, well, just update me guys with anything if something do comes up. XP

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Fall back memories

2009-12-11T15:23:00.001+08:00

Emo skajap buleh? Hehe.

I just wanna say that i missed the sound of receiving messages every ten minutes and all on my phone. I don't know but at this point, its safe to say that i feel so alone. Not all the time, only sometimes..

Do you believe in karma? I don't really have much thought in it but i do believe that you'll get everything back, every single thing that you did- good or bad.

At this point, i was wondering if this empty space, empty feelings that i am experiencing right now is what i got back. Come to think of it, i'm pretty mean to certain people, especially *ehem* boys. C= or should i say, jerks? (nah tu, datang tia nda mau mengalah nya. Haha.). Okay, honestly, i don't feel guilty at all for doing that.. (wow. Now we're moving in a different direction. *laughs*) i did it all to protect my fragile heart. Not that i'm stil traumatized by that stupid incident six years ago, round it off to seven. That actually depends on what you think trauma means. *swears that jerk* okay, as i said, trauma isn't what makes me go this way. Its hatred. Yes. Hatred. No one gets away with murder, at least not when there's pipah around (or you could meet my evil twin sister emily *waves at reflection in the mirror*) oh, while we're at this, *turn on dir en grey's shokubeni* now, that's better, we've got a dark depressing background music now.

But just to finish one the first one up there, yes, even though i don't feel guilty at all for treating people who try to get into this huge barrier that i put around me, with their good intentions (or not), there's no denying that what i'm getting now isn't from what i did to most of them. Come on, they're boys, they'll get over with it as soon as they find someone else, which is pretty much easy for them.

Out of all, there's this two guys that i will never forget. One is definitely out of reach now (yes, i liked him and i'm just too ego to tell him that) and the other, i don't wanna get in touch with him what so ever.

I guess, its story time..

I've told you about the first one in my earlier post.. So i'm not gonna repeat that again.

The second one was funny.. Well, not really, i was actually annoyed. *laughs* but this second one doesn't fall on that category up there as i think, i didn't do anything bad to him. It started with a misscall. I didn't reply it at all but at last that guy texted. I started interrogating. His story of how he get my number was so lame. But he keep on texting. We sometimes chat about random stuff, like some random friends. You could say that my credit just go away like that because i keep on replying his texts, with short texts and all. What makes me "layan him" is the fact that he has a girlfriend and that girlfriend know that i'm a friend. I mean, guys with girlfriend wouldn't go all cheesy to other people right? And and and this is the main reason why i layan him -> I hate it when i can't figure out who he is because he refused to tell me anything about him so i was trying to dig out everything but even after such a long time, i failed. So i end up reading up his problems and all. I never knew his name and i called him fried chicken. He added me on msn (before that he told me that he doesn't have an msn account- so.. He was lying? Or not.) because i am always late in replying his texts and msn is my reason. I was so annoyed with the fact that i know nothing about this guy that i finally deleted his number and his msn account. There's no reason to layan that kind of person. The weird thing is, even when i'm being mean, that guy always came back. So this is one case where i give up and cant do anything to stop him from bugging me. But finally, he stopped because i never replied his texts again ever. *happy ending*

See? *Sigh* rasa jua kan update blog atu. Haha. Gerenti kamu annoyed baca crap yg pipah type ani. XP

moral of the story.. Guys don't be such a jerk, try reading between the line..Jangan jadi si pajal. Hahahaha.

BUT HEY! I updated! Haha. Adakah bangga.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

A start

2009-12-06T07:51:00.001+08:00

I'm looking for a place to rant out.

Sigh.

Today.. Sunday, its not a good start.. I'm already heartbroken. Heartache. Please go away. =C

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

But this is how i feel

2009-12-01T20:34:00.001+08:00

Down.

All i need is something to cheer me up.

Maybe because i'm listening to this songs. Maybe not.

Maybe i just need to cry out. Maybe not.

Maybe its just some sort of emotional swings that leaves nothing at all.. After a while. Maybe not.

Maybe i missed my friends so badly. Maybe... Yes.

Maybe because i'm stuck here, doing nothing, getting nothing.

Maybe i had too much fun this past few days. So its time for some sort of downtime.

Maybe my heart aches again because i know, i could never get si oliver.

Maybe i think too much about him. Maybe not.

Maybe its time to fall in love again. Maybe not.

Maybe its time to stop being my self. Duh! Fuck you i'm not gonna do that. *sorry for my rudeness*

Maybe its time to stop typing because this whole thing seems to be useless.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Short vacation and after that xp

2009-11-30T15:33:00.001+08:00

Short vacation is over. I mean, yes, when i said short.. it was really short. We went to this mangrove paradise resort. My uncle heard about this place, then he decided to try out and the 16 of us checked in to two rooms. The place is awesome. To me maybe yes because i love nature. All of the rooms are facing the river. The morning and night view was awesome. You can sit on the long couch at the veranda and gaze at the stars. We went to the resort's restaurant that night while the boys were busy playing ps2. =__= i know, who ever brought their ps2 to a vacation? But the foods were okay. I think we spend most of our time eating. Before that we hit the pool. There are mangrove trees everywhere as we walk to the pool. Which is on the land. Our rooms are on the water which is quite similar to kampog ayer's house; not exactly like that because the inside was similar to a hotel room, its just that instead of a door, we got a transparent sliding. They played games while on the pool and also played playstation, a competition for boys. So girls just went to the restaurant instead. I love the chinese style kue teaw and the dimsum. X9 after that we went back to our room and watch a movie since the boys used the other room to play games, we ate repeatedly because they keep on buying foods. After that i just hung out with my cousins at the veranda, listening to songs. And and and... =__= i fell asleep there til morning. XD hahha.

We checked out the next day. My parents and my uncle's family went somewhere to eat then went straight to KB but i followed my cousin and her boyfriend, so we stopped at a few places before heading home. We stopped at Gadong and the mall. I had takoyaki too. As usual, their treat. XP AND the ideal cheese fries is now in my list, nyaman! XD we ate there and the fries are X9. Since there's no kfc in kb, i guess, i could at least go to ideal in seria and buy that fries. X9 okay, emmm.. see? Senang2 je topic kita tertukar kepada food. Haha. XD we stopped by giant. It was so hot. We go round and round searching for empty parking lot and after around 15minutes or so, we finally get one. The whole thing was quite unpleasant because me and my cousin were wearing heels so... You can imagine walking around gadong, and in the mall, then go to giant.. IN THAT HEELS. We end up having sore feet. Got to my uncle's place around 7 and everyone was exhausted. Watched paranormal activity before going to bed. It wasn't that scary but i keep on imagining stuff after watching it. No one woke up for the raya prayer. Because when we're at the resort, everyone go to bed around 2 or 3 and woke up early to go to the pool so when everyone got back home, they're so tired. We didn't get to grill anything too while at the resort room, that was the primary idea, to brought food and cook there while enjoying the view and all, but end up buying a lot of stuff from the night market and eat non stop. There goes my calories counting.

I didn't even go home. Spent my day at my uncle's and watch dvds with my married cousin. That afternoon we went to the beach near soon lee to jog. Continued by excessive eating after that. =___= that's what we did all day.

Will go to the public library nanti... Cause my cousin wanna make a library card there. I haven't hunt for jobs yet.

And oh! Yesterday me and my cousin karaoke di rumahnya! Telur lah kami atu. Tiba2 kan karaoke then barutah kan mencari cd. Ingat kan nyanyi lagu celine dion tapi cd nya nda tercari. So abis lah, kami hantam ja cd romantic love songs yang lama2 ah. Lagu pertama kami nyanyi is lagu only you. Haha. Slow berabis. Then jumpa cd iklim and slam, tapi satu lagu pun nda tau. Then kami nyanyi lagu newboyz, sejarah mungkin berulang, lagu "aku tak biasa", lagu krisdayanti and ajai, nana and achik, lagu amy mastura- bintang hati.. Last2 menyanyi karaoke lagu st12. XD JOBLESS BANAR JUA TU! Hahahahahaha. Then, keboringan so tarus tukar dvd teletubbies. Haha. Dalam bnyk2 dvd. Teletubbies jua yg kami hantam. XD.

Well, i think i'll end it now.

~~Do you hurt the way that i do?~~

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Young and alive

2009-11-25T10:36:00.001+08:00

Its funny. This feeling..

My cousin just tegur me for smiling depan hp while reading fb comment from someone. What??? I always smile when i read comments wah! I don't have any special feelings to just some random people that i didn't know. XP

OKAY, moving on....

I'm not sure how much reader do i have, i predicted, only a few. Because none really care to leave their footprints on the cbox. Haha. At least say hi. XD. Well, a friend of mine is selling stuff. To those who lover gorgeous, sexy, super stylish stuff, feel free to visit the site by clicking the link below, really you should check it out:

Youngnalive-esisters.blogspot.com
♥♥♥♥

i will be linking the site so just check out my link list everytime you wanna go to the site :) happy shopping!

Don't forget to check for updates from time to time, who knows something new might pops out and you don't wanna miss that do you? XD

grrr. my credit expires today. Hopefully mom will top it up for me. =D and my brother's birthday is around the corner. Iski ya kan masuk 18. Haha.

Okay. I'm off. XD SEE YA! Maybe after my short vacation. XD

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

the blackest tears of all

2009-11-24T00:44:00.002+08:00

No reason to act tough.

No reason to held this in.

~~No reason not to confess.~~

No reason not to cry.

I'm gonna let this emotions out so that i could move on. move forward. i hate begging for attention. i hate competition. what i'm trying to say is.. if i want you, i want you to be all mine.

I never want to share.

I hate not to be the priority.

I hate to admit that i'm really jealous.

~~I hate it.~~

I hate what i'm trying to be just for the sake of getting your attention.

I hate to see you there.. Living happily without me.

I hate to know that you'll be alright without me.

I hate to know that i'm unneeded.

anyway, i am addicted with Tohoshinki' survivor and mirotic. Haha. *Dush*

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

girls makes boys cry.. but i won't

2009-11-23T15:14:00.001+08:00

Here i am, thinking about life. Looking at the sky and thinking how is life for everybody else who walk under this huge stretch of sky. I realised that i am no longer a student. The thought of being unemployed is kind of disturbing. Eventhough it was just for now, a day? I'm sure this'll stretch out for a few more weeks before i could landed on a job. To be labelled as "penganggur" is really depressing. Its like, its like.... I feel so useless. DX well, i'm sure that after i do get a job, i'll be complaining again. Haha. At least i know where i stand at that time.

Now, lets move on to something else. I've mentioned this before, i'm really sacred with this transition to "adult hood". I have to be more responsible. The challenges that lies ahead of me waiting to choke and strangle me.. Okay, that was a litte exaggerating or not. People will expect a lot. Yes. This is where people start to judge. Comparing is a normal thing at this stage. This is where people would start to gossip. Expectations are far more than before.

I have a lot to say but...
Nda buleh type lebih-lebih kat sini, karang ada orang terasa plak! Susah nak hadapi this kind of people, honestly, kalau aku terasa if orang sindir-sindir or something, selalunya aku buat derk je, tak payah layan sangat lah. Yang penting, hati happy.. Right Right? Kalau kritikan yang membangun tu mestilah kita ambik untuk improve ourselves, kalau yang menjatuh kan tu.. Jangan dengar sangat, sakit hati je nanti. Tapi kalau aku rasa rajin dan baik sangat, aku akan tanya direct. Tapi tu lah, kadang-kadang orang tau criticize je, lepas kena tanya apa and kenapa, terus angin satu badan tak ngaku la konon, ada yang terketar-ketar takut kena bagi penampar. Penakut lah kau. Haha. Btw, my hand will never land on anyone. Aku tak sampai tangan. Just an early warning fo those yang ringan mulut. Selagi aku tak kacau korang, korang janganlah nak test drive kesabaran aku pulak yer. Berat jer bahu korang menangung dosa nanti. Sesiapa setuju, tekan lah butang "like". Oops, ini bukan facebook. XP haha.

Okay, i was being random there but i'm sure you guys have been or would be experiencing that nanti. People just case too much about others than themselves.

saja je nak meluahkan perasaan. XP like the one in my old blog. XP

Its like dari hari atu sudah kan update tapi malas berabis. Anyway apa alasan kamu nda kan.. update blog wxckedsc tani? Abis jua sudah exam. Haha. Look who's talking. *nda malu* XD kamu nada group plan kah?? Haha. XP

Saya nak cari kerja. Saya telah menganggur terlalu lama.. Ummm.. adalah dalam sehari. Haha. Cemana buleh urang lain yang menganggur dalam 2/3 tahun atu buleh tahan? Saya sasak sudah. Baru jua berapa hari ni. XD.

Can't wait to get together with everyone nanti.

Apa lagi ye? Entah. I don't know. Karang kalau aku fangirling di sini.. Sasak ja kamu. XD

ANYWAY, like i've said, i'm gonna post bits from my old blog. Maybe next post. XD.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Listen to your heart.

2009-11-21T23:02:00.002+08:00

I'm afraid to fall in love..

Because falling in love means that you have to get ready to be hurt.

Because falling in love means you have to be ready to lose.

i don't wanna get hurt.

i don't wanna lose.

I guess, this isn't perfection. I wanna meet someone that value love and see it the way i do. I know its too much to ask for forever but i can't help being me. I guess, what i'm trying to say is.. This is not the kind of thing that i'll take lightly. I guess i am focusing too much on finding the perfect one but i'll be fine. I can wait forever. Yes. I can. =D

i don't know, this is one thing that my heart can't overrule everything, i listened to my heart 99.9% of the time but this is one of the thing where my logic mind is seriously taking control, because heart alone is not enough to handle this.

Anyway, my neck is sakit lagi. Hopefully it won't swell like last year or else i have to see the doctor again and he'll open up the old file. XS
Last time, he said it was probably just a bacterial infection because my neck improved two weeks after the first appointment but if it comes again.. I don't know. He asked me to immediately go to the hospital and check.

I know, i'm not only an ugly hag but i also have a lot of...... Problems. Sigh.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

meaningless

2009-11-16T11:20:00.002+08:00

Okay, my last post was a bit.. Haha~ blergh.

cleaned my room yesterday because heck! It was messy. As usual. I didn't just clean it, i rearranged everything. Now my bed is facing the window so when the sunlight walks in, it'll fell upon the bed. Haha and the study table is infront of the window, which means, no need to turn on the lights in the afternoon. It takes a lot of time to figure out which should be where. I have to make sure that there's enough space to pray (my room isn't that big okay), if there isn't where would i do it? On the bed? Oh, yes, i've tried that once, out of curiousity. No, its not a good idea. Hahahah. Anyway, i'm very happy now that everything's in order. I'm not really a super clean freak but i hate it when things are just everywhere. So after biology exam this 17th, i'll wash the bed spread, yes, again. I just love the smell of freshly washed stuff. So..fresh? Haha lol. The only think that bothers me is my yellowish green wall. Like when you entered my room, the first thing you'll see is this great ugly empty wall. I wanted to find something to spice up this one wall. Very depressing wah if you look at it.
So any suggestion on what to do to the wall? I mean, its empty so i'm thinking of designing stuff like adding patterns to it but my mom might be against it.. or not. XD on the other hand, my phone credit is going down the drain. Wait til my mom finds out. Haha i think she'll be sighing because its two days away from the expiry date. I spent all within 5 days. =D and i'll be accompanying pikah after biology exam. Hopefully i won't kacau her studying her bio. After tomorrow, one more paper to go. And i've been drinking limejuice all day! X9 nyaman! And oh, i might want to talk to pikah about the excapade plan. If she could postpon it to any other day, possibly thursday or wednesday, because i'm super broke and i'm sure my mom won't be giving me anything before tuesday. :) other than that, everythings okay i think. I seriously wanna get my own mini sewing machine, this is like since last year. We had it dulu but at that time i'm not using it at all so my mom sold it -the mini one and the huge one. =/ haven't tell my mom about my "want" yet. Maybe later. After exams's done, if she can't buy it for me, i'll save up. You know, i love crafts all. X) not that i'm crafty. Haha.

Exam will end soon. Panic attack will come soon. I will be very emo ni. If i said this, you'd call me a pessimist but i'm just being realistic. Bad bad bad. So better don't say anything. Mom and dad, sorry if i'll let you down. =/

this is my freaking first time.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

zutto zutto zutto

2009-11-13T22:13:00.001+08:00

Feel like updating again, being all emoish this past few days. Pms-ing too. Had a prepared post but decided not to paste it here, the only thing that's left of the post is this:

"and the chemistry is very hard. =_= wait, jadi emo jap.. *cries at the dark corner with the cutter on my hand.. Slash slash slash* nah labih. Hmmm.. Tapi seriously, mcam takde harapan je. Teruk betul paper tu! And i'm not comfortable sitting there, meja nya rocking, i dropped my stuff balik2. I stammered. I read the questions like 3 times because i got distracted and can't make out what i was reading. Really bad. Like a really bad timing ah.. Masa tu jua kan distracted. Telur goreng berabis lah!"

that described it all. Now, i'm lying on my bed. Typing this because i'm avoiding people because i don't want to let them see my face, seriously, i'm frowning dari tadi *hummm, awu lakas tah tua ni karang* this is because i'm not feeling well. The tummy ache. The uncomfortablity of that "time of the month". Seriously, just because of that, i cried dari tadi and no that wasn't an exaggeration. I missed alice nine. I missed hey say jump. I missed a hell lot of things right now. I think i'm going to bug my mom for ice creams tomorrow. I don't care! I want my icecream!! Gonna walk tomorrow cause i cant jog. My mom forgot to fetch my medicine again so i better remind her again tomorrow. Oh, i missed this sound *listening to alice nine. now* and shou's voice. I've not been listening to them this past few months. Have to start over with my hiragana and katakana! I forgot everything! I only remember the letter for "ka" "yu" "mi" "ki". Very poor. I don't really have anyone to talk to lately, so i'm feeling lonely at the moment. Msn sucks, because i'm using ebuddy messenger and got disconnected like everytime. So i feel fed up. I end up roaming on facebook again, commenting. =/ bad. Bad.
Bad. Bad. There's a lot that i've been keeping to myself. To let it out to someone, its impossible because i'm afraid of people's judgements. My cousins doesn't seem to be interested to listen to me, if they do, they barely let me finish everything off and let it off my chest. That's about it. It wasn't bugging me all the time. Just sometimes. Well, i think i had to cut this post short. I have to go and have a rest. This is painful. Very uncomfortable. I'll end up complaining on random stuff.

See ya.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

poignant memories full of sunshines, now filled with images in monochrome~

2009-11-09T22:10:00.002+08:00

Hola! Its been a while yeah. I had this feeling that i should update my blog. I mean, look at it! Only 50+ posts! Pathetic. If my old blog isn't privated and is still running on publicly, my posts would be at least 450? *take calculator* yes. I'm right. Haha. So you see, it seems like i'm just babbling off some stupid things here and yes, you're right, i don't have a prepared post this time. This is spontaneous. I don't care if you don't go and read my blog. Screw you! I'm good. Haha. Now, that's annoying. XP a week to go and exam'll be over! Talk about holidays, i have to get a freaking job. Firstly, i'll be super fat if i just stay at home. Secondly, MY MOM ISN'T GOING TO GIVE ANY ALLOWANCE! That's one bad thing. HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO ENJOY MYSELF? SO yeah. I heard that some people had already landed on a job, some were called for interviews..... me? I haven't even prepared my cv yet! Screw me!

So lets talk about me. Haha. Okay, this time, nothing on my love life okay? Because theoretically i don't have a LOVE LIFE. haha. But chill. I'm cool by myself. *kirai2* My days are boring. Yes. Its always boring but this time its boring than the usual boring days. Get what i mean? Think of it! When's the last time i crap talk with the girls? Okay, i did that with fiqah last week but we were both trying to refrain ourselves so that we wouldn't get drifted away from what we're planning to do-study chemistry! And i've been bugging myself with foods all week. I'm actually starting my diet plan now! Like, hurray..! I'm counting calories! And i'm trying to burn some each day too, for best result. Which also reminds me that i have to buy a new pair of sport shoes! -_-' now, i'm doing it indoor ja. Better than nothing. My goal is ±10kg/2½month. That's a realistic one. That way, i'll be back to my ideal weight but most probably i'll try to get to my preferable weight which is 48. Seems so easy to say, its TOUGH! Your willpower should be strong. Haha. I've been on facebook too much lately (aren't i always been?) mostly i am just bothering people because i was so bored-usually i only bother people who doesn't seem to care being bothered. At least i don't really tweet much in twitter! This thing is addictive.
Seriously. But luckily i'm not that addicted.

Also, its the only thing that could distract me from food. Anyway, i will be sitting for biology 1 tomorrow. Wish me luck. And also chemistry paper4 after that. Very close ah.

Oh yeah, you should know how bad my addiction to food is. Its like, being addicted to cigar or drugs. Pretty bad. But i'm learning to control that. I guess, this holiday, there's no family trips whatsoever. :/ we haven't been on a family outings for so long and as far as i remembered i was moody on the last one. A big turnoffs!

Well, i have to sign off now. I don't wanna sleep through my exam. and its kinda late now. See you. I think i'll update this blog again in the nearest possible time in the future. You know, life's pretty hard right now. One have to be strong enough to face this.

I'll get through this. :)
like i always do.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

copy pasted.

2009-10-24T23:47:00.001+08:00

its friday when i typed this. (yeah, like that's the usual phrase i used to start my posts.. and like that matters). I guess by the time i posted this, it would be a few days after i typed this. Not that it matters though because you see, quality content is what i'm lacking here. Not that it matters. And like, i hate it when people overused the word "like" in a sentence. Haha. But look, i'm doing it now. Lol. I had my sociology exam today. It was.. =__=' from the very begining. When i arrived at school, it was around 2.00, the school gate was locked and the invigilators were waiting in front of the gate, it was a hot day really. There's this minor traffic infront of the school as students stopped their cars there. At last, we have to get through this one hole on the gate like an intruder, all of us. I'm not sure at what time the gate was finally unlocked but i think its after 2.30 when we already started our exam in the hall and students have to park their cars at the side of the road. The exam was easy. Yes. But i didn't touch anything on crime and deviance so i think i flunk that one too. I've got no reference too. It feels good too. To actually get this burden off me, finally because this is my last exam for sociology. I could have done better if i read up more on religion. Not that we ever covered that but i quite understand the topic as i did a lot of independent reading on that topic. So when i see secularization, i was like, oh god, why didn't i read that one banar2. I could have scored that one pretty easily. But i did the usuals, family& household, education and crime and deviance. I even forgot about chivalry thesis for the definition part of crime and deviance. Tako.

My little brother bought uno cards today. It's our fifth or sixth cards. Lol. We keep on losing stuff. So after sometime not playing uno.. We gathered around and start playing.. As usual, we decide our turns by the rock-paper-scissor method. Its fun to cheat though. Peeking through people's card and all but its more fun if you talk in codes or cooperate with another person to make sure that the others will get a lot of cards and won't win or the excitement of catching a player when they forgot to say "uno" when they were withdrawing their second last card or when we try to fool someone by saying "please don't pick red, i don't have a red card" when they throw a wildcard. As usual, my littlest brother will be whining about how he always lose. In some serious cases, he cried because he think that we're all cheating. We always reserved the +2 or +4 cards for him because he could be very annoying even when he just got one wildcard. Its fun to surprise him. XD. Anyway, i'm not exactly into games. But uno is great for fun and for fights. We used to spend our nights just playing that during ramadhan, while waiting for sahur. It sort of bothers my parents as we were laughing so hard and sometimes are shouting at each other while we're on the game. There's this one time my mom went to the living room with a cane because we made a lot of noises in the middle of the night, she just showed the cane to us, with her drowsy expression and ask us to shut up. We did. For a while.

That reminds me of the time when we're in our old house. I am a big fan of ghost story. My favourite time would be when there's thunder and lightning and heavy rains. I'll be switching on the air conditioner, crawl in to the blanket with the torchlight on, then tell ghost storier or discuss the existence of ghost. I used to do that with my brothers. There's this one time when my grandma entered my bedroom. We're all set up like we're in a camp or something, telling ghost stories with snacks, foods and drinks all over the place. I think my grandma was so annoyed with the shoutings and screaming that she actually warned us that the ghost might hear us and go after us. We were forced to sleep but instead we watched cds and dug for more snacks in the kitchen. Lol.

It was nice to remember those days. I had so much misunderstandings with my brothers but i don't know. Now, everyone seems to be selfish, moody and definitely rotting. I know that boys can't possibly stay at home everyday but i don't know, its just that sometimes, i think people should know their limit. With the other one having so much discipline problems at his arabic school. And i think i'm being much more childish from time to time. Childish as in jumping around, acting happy here and there. Gosh, that sounds more like retarded right? Haha. I don't feel like i'm the eldest around here. Especially when my first brother is around, which is once a week because he's staying in hostel too, just like my problematic third brother- i don't feel right labelling him as problematic but the did cause a lot of problems and headaches at school. My first brother has this sense of authority, he orders people around, i'm the gay sister who hates wrestlings and watch spongebob. Haha. I do have a lot of personalities, so yeah, that explains why you sometimes see the different sides of me. Example, the mean me, the happy friendly me, the slap me cause i'm being super bitchy shy me and more me than you ever expected. Lol.

I'll stop here.. See you next time.. :D

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Sing me a song..

2009-10-22T23:42:00.001+08:00

I feel like updating my blog but i barely have anything to be typed out. So here i am, typing away things that probably came across my mind right now. Lets just say that i'm being a tiny bit spontaneous now. As you know, its exam time. Some people might have finished their exam already, some had just started.. Example, me.

Sociology exam is not going so well. Well, maybe because i don't really like sociology but when i think of it. Why the heck do i wanna take sociology in the first place? I get hurt when my mom and dad told me that sociology is useless, i never even try to prove to them that it isn't useless. I know, other subjects are just as hard. Now i'm wishing that i take geography or economics or maths or physics instead. Some people have a very odd subject combinations but at least they're doing what they actually wanted to do. I can't help feeling a little envious.

As usual, i don't really have to do this so called "spontaneous" post as i've prepared a post already but after reviewing it, it sounded so personal and since i typed it out when i'm stressed and tense emotions were accompanying me at that time, so i decided to post it on the "other blog".

Lately, i've been very distracted. Its has been two weeks and my throat is not getting any better. The mucus and all. Very annoying. That's just it, when i fell sick, at times, it takes a long time to get better. Especially when its almost at the end of the year, where the weather gets all naughty. Sometimes it rains heavily, sometimes its really cold, sometimes its hot and dry.. And the temperature change really affect me.

To be honest, i'm not expecting much for sociology. My chemistry practical was okay. I lost a lot of marks but i heard it won't affect everything else much if you scored well in the other papers. I just have to do my best.

On the other hand. I'm stil preparing my CV. I really have no idea what i'll be doing after this. Hopefully i will get a job before december. I'll be awfully bored at home and awfully fat. Like now. Thanks, i gained 10kgs. Awesome right? Lol.

Pipah is fat. Huhu.

And lately, i've been qada' ing a lot. Very bad isnt it. Sigh.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Exam oi! XD

2009-10-12T19:36:00.001+08:00

exam starts today.

MY WHOLE FREAKING LIFE DEPENDS ON THIS EXAM! It'll be going on for a month.. :/

procrastination is such a loyal friend but i'm afraid i will have to break our pure friendship now. Don't cry buddy, you'll find someone better.

Mama kata grade C is okay.. FOR SOCIOLOGY.

Kena berusaha lebih sikit. Tak nak menyesal.

Kata orang.. *nah lupa tia perumpamaan atu* sori bm ku telur sedikit. XD ahaksxzzzXxXxXxzxz <- okay, nda buleh menyeluru urang ani, ketulahan karang. Time exam tah lagi hahahaha.
lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Thoughts before me

2009-10-10T12:58:00.001+08:00

i always have this thought that if you wanna be manja, you should be cute.

Hahahaha~

i'm a bit taller compared to eqah and eyan.. and i look matured compared to both. So i always think that in the presence of cuter people, the uncute one shouldn't act cute.

Or maybe its just me and my inferiority..

Or the way i think..

I feel FAT.

*sigh*

now, sociology, please be nice to me.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Thoughts before me

2009-10-10T12:57:00.001+08:00

Names

2009-10-08T16:47:00.001+08:00

Names that people use to call me..

The common one is at the top and as it goes down, less people call me that..

afifahtul
afifah
fatul
fifah
pipah
peepah
pip
peep
pipz
pipzo
effie
ema
fifi
fye
emily

people who don't really know me would use the first four. But i liked it when people address me personally as if we're close. Its better to call me pipah than afifahtul which sounds so formal and awkward. But anything should be fine.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Blabberblubberblurrr..

2009-10-07T22:53:00.001+08:00

I came to school on saturday, because i wanna meet my friends and join the solat hajat. It wasn't as great as the one in form 5, where everyone cried and all. I just wanna participate, the "air yassin" doesn't matter because i've got gallons of it at home. I don't usually participate in religious events, yes, despite the fact that you know... ehem..my dad.. Well, and i don't like to be forced to do things.. That's my bad side. That where my dad and me got a lil problem sometimes. Not a big one but its enough for him to go "afifahtulhakimah!".

I'm not really stubborn, its just that i have this ego.. You could say that i have a mountful (if thats even a word) of ego. Don't try to tell me how to do things.. I inherited that from my dad too.. Haha. Well, come to think of it, at LEAST i don't brag. . .

My dad's profession doesn't have anything to do with me.. Well, look at it this way, a doctor's son don't have to be a doctor, he could be a teacher or businessman because it is something you achieve not ascribed. Ohkay! I'm merepek-ing again.. -__-" sigh.

Yesterday, i was feeling so... I don't know, my heart seems to ache..restless i'd say, maybe because i'm freaking out again.. About the exam and all.. I don't know why. I was lying on the bed trying to sleep.. My little brother was doing the same thing.. So after tossing around for sometime, i called him out. Turns out he wasn't asleep yet so we had this short conversation..

Me: Dinah, mcm mana kan buat hati nda sakit?

(yes. my little brother got tons of nicknames, thanks to me. Haha)

Danish: jangan marah-marah..

Me: kalau hati sakit bukan pasal marah-marah?

Danish: sabar saja

me: kalau sabar masih jua sakit hati tu.. Ehhhhhh~

Danish: kalau nda sabar lagi sakit hati. Karang sakit jantung kau..

me: hmmmm..Banar jua tu..

Me: bah macamana tah kan buat hati happy??

Danish: kau bawa ia jalan-jalan. Bawa ia makan sama minum wah.. Macam kau jaga kucing.. *half asleep*

Hahahahaha! Macam jaga kucing jualah.

I laughed so hard but he asked me to shut up because he wanted to sleep.

You can do Heartwalking.. so that your heart'll be happy! Now, macamana kan bawa hati ketani jalan-jalan ah? Haha.

*imagine jalan-jalan with a heart shaped red creature, pegang tangan, sambil makan ice cream* haha. Lame.

you know what, lately i've been thinking.. What makes me so sure that i'll be with oliver later in life? I used to be so sure about that.. Now, i'm starting to have doubts, like, welcome back to real life pipah.. Get outta that lala land now. *sigh* now, that's pathetic. Right? Haha. Oh oliver.. sigh. So cute but so unreal.. Now, lets go back to planet earth shall we? :) now, plaster up that smile.

Eh, atu... Anu wah! Eh.. Nevermind. XP

and guess what, i think i'm going to school again tomorrow.. Pft.. Fml. I mean, gosh, tell me about it.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

smiles

2009-10-03T00:40:00.001+08:00

Well, i have not updated for october. Loooooooooong sigh. Not because of the exam. Its more of.... Eugh. I don't know. Emo phase is sort of over. =) i have to say, being emo is good sometimes. Eventhough you get that painful suicidal feeling..And that sensitivity and all. Haha. I think i found a new super ability.. Lol, i can fake a cry! Like seriously..! Its sort of hard for me to really cry if i'm sad but faking is easy.. Now, now, that doesnt mean that i keep on feigning.. My emotions are real. XP

went to cousin's just now, just a short weekly visit. XD. Like its the time for updates and stuff. Or just plain simple discussion over random stuff. Or shit talking if there's any..

I am pretty excited to go to school for the last time tomorrow! I can meet fiqah! How cool is that? Super cool. Haha. Okay, that was an exaggeration. Lol

but now, my enthusiasm nearly fades..

Oh yeah, i'm reducing my sugar and carbohydrate intake. And also refraining myself from consuming too much fizzy drinks. I want my skin to get well soon so it'll lasts for around 6 weeks until my next meeting with the doctor. But seriously, i need to bug my mom to buy me one of those CAPUCHINO! With tons of caffein. I don't CARE! I need to be superhyper! Superawake! Superaware! I am going to study like hell!! But as usual, i'll sleep like hell too.. A few days before exam, i'll stop it and rest. I remembered that it works during my PMB EXAM! I had a severe tooth ache and i sat for my commerce exam with my tooth aching. It was very.. Painful and tormenting. Thank god i got a credit for my commerce.. Oh, yeah, my tooth got pulled out after the exam and it was very... Rotten..? Like it was very serious.. So nowadays i'm very paranoid with my teeth. I go for check ups every 6 months.. Randomly.. Because i don't want to be teethless before i reach a very old age.. I'm a bit late.. Or else i don't have to get that teeth pulled out. Its my molar or was it the premolar.. What ever they call it. The point is. I NEED TO BE VERY AWAKE! And i WANT TO BE FILLED WITH ENERGY! Lol.

Egg eh! This sunday, cousins from bandar is coming! Bilatah ku nda kana kacau ni nah??? Please padamkan semangat raya ini. Its almost 2 weeks wahh. Nda kamu kelamuan? Aku kelamuan dah! Haha. Mmmookay.. Aku sleepy dah. Its time to sleep. Bye.

and oh, happy birthday to Zuhairah.. My registration classmates and g.p set mate. =) have a blast.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Me and my heart we got issues

2009-09-30T23:21:00.001+08:00

I've just reformatted my phone.. I did that every 2 month.. So that it won't lag.. One bad thing about formatting is that i have to copy my contacts to the phone memory again and that all my notes, the copied symbols are gone.. But on the brighter side, its much less heavier.. XP Tau2 lah hp model lama..

Lets talk about love.. Haha.. I just realised that most of the guys are turned off by my coldness.. Like, tell me about it..

I used to like this one guy, he's a bit older than me.. we chatted a lot.. He's very charming.. Very nice. I always got up early to get ready to school and he's always up at that time.. Or at least, he have not slept.. We texted a lot too, he wishes me good night almost every night at that period of time.. He is rarely on friendster, rarely commented on my page but we keep in touch.. Even after he changed his number. I could say that he's good looking.. Almost the kind that i liked.. Fair, handsome and definitely tall. I backed off a few times at the last minute when he wanted to see me.. He wasn't from kb so its kinda hard to meet him. The third time i did that i think he was frustrated.. Because he was waiting for an hour but i don't feel like coming.. It was a major blowoff! I don't feel guilty at all. We stil keep in touch. Someone told me that he asked if i have a boyfriend and all.. I don't know how we lose contact. I used to memorized his number. He has a nice name too. Don't ask me about that. XP The last time i checked, he finally meet someone. And he's out of reach.. I think i'm too cold for him, at that time i wasn't ready for a relationship, i acted like a friend.. i know, he must be bored with my cold expressions and all.. How i never showed or said that i liked him too. Lol. Don't worry, i'm over him.. It was a long time ago. Like, three thousand years ago..

I'm stil the old cold me.. I guess, i'll find someone who's very warm, who'll stand my coldness.. Haha.. More importantly, my mean-ness. Haha.

Lol, but i can't deny, that guy is uber cute. XP

but he gave up just like that.. So....... nehhhh!

OMG! I missed miley and wixie! ='( R.I.P sweetheart. Like suddenly remembered them.. So sad.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Lets spell

2009-09-30T13:11:00.001+08:00

X : aku aru alek. Naleh ku.. Eh, aku ana andai mum2 sushi..

Me : eh huruf b mu tinggal ah.. Huruf m and p mu pun tertingal. Keypad mu rusak kah?

What that person wanted to say is :

aku baru balik. Ngaleh ku. Eh, aku mana pandai makan sushi.

Pandai kan ia mengeja?? Sasak ku membaca mcm becakap sama urang lidah pendek saja.

AWU TAH! Aku JAHAT. XP

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

twitter-holic!

2009-09-28T19:29:00.001+08:00

After school, me, eqah, eyan, sha and fiqah went out. I guess its our last day out together because alevel is approaching soon and yes, I have a mood to study now. I enjoyed it much. Will go to school tomorrow. :) but to attend certain classes only. I've finished my syllabus for 2 subjects and only have my sociology. So i'm attending sociology tomorrow.. Hopefully there's class..

Anyway, spent the WHOLE morning talking about some random topics and itsy bitsy of juicy stuff.. We talked so much.. And i just realised that my laugh is becoming much more horrid. Like, melabang. Haha.

I have hospital appointment on thursday so i won't be at school at all. I know you're gonna miss me... NOT! Haha. Who am i to be missed? :') hahahahahahaha.

Exam is coming soon. I have to focus. I may not be updating much. Maybe my twitter.. Because i am becoming a twitterholic! XD BUT i'll try to refrain myself. I do have break times so chill.. I will be there. XD. Kalau kan stalk manasaja. Dipersilakan. Free tu. Nda ku mengcharge. Haha. apakan. Bah. Bah. Nda lagi baik kepalaku ani karang.. Macam tadi, masa kami lintas kubur christian, i turned back to eQah, eyan and sha and said, "ai, ada urang mati" (dalam nada gembira..) -_-" i didn't meant it that way, tapi salah tone wah. Sepatutnya pipah pakai nada sedih atau terkejut.. Seeshhh.. (fiqah was driving so i didn't see her reaction). We shared our coins to pay for parking TADI.. Haha.. I know, sekadarr.. Tapi we're trying to make it fair because everyone's contributing. XD Then we go perfume testing and window shopping to some shops.. :D i wanted to buy VS perfume nanti.. Not exactly like amal's. Something else because i fell in love with victoria secrets! Gila eh. Haha. And last last they witnessed my embarrassing moment.. Eating ice creams. Everyone were like troubled because they're trying to help me.. My icecream melts like hell. Haha.. Sorry to fiqah, i accidentally fed her uniform with my chocolate ice cream. :/

Now, excuse me.

I have to do something. Bye.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Today can never be like yesterday

2009-09-24T22:57:00.001+08:00

I want him so muchooo..

went to tikah's open house just now. The foods are awesome but... This year tak de butter prawn.. And the best part is.. Tikah bagi angpow. Hahahaha.. $.$ nah! mata duitan dah. XD. We were a bit late.. Because we spend sometime at sha's and eqah's place. Ah, anu wah, adakah aku cakap with mama si sha with my mouth full.. Hahahaha. Typical me.. Sampai sha introduced me to her mum "ma, yang selalu cakap masa mulutnya panuh atu namanya pipah~". I thought its rude not to reply when someone asked so i end up answering while trying to eat the biscuit. Haha. After we went to tikah's place, we went to pijahdex's to catch up with harif and amal + fikri. Since no one that we knew was at home so we end up going to seria to fikri's and mas. Harif sent me home around 7 (with amal and sha).. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's open house at teacher jum's. X9.

Oh yeah, i went to the hospital on wednesday with my dearest cousins. I decided to check for my skin. Well, at least this time the doctor LOOK AT MY SKIN and observe it instead of just taking a glance and keep on writing an essay on a piece of paper like the previous one. I was given some creams and was asked to go to the skin clinic next week at nine. Yeah! Like finally. The doctor even said.. Try to reduce beef and prawns in your diet because i might be allergic.. But today i've eaten so much..Prawns. Hehe.. I am not allergic to seafood and i'm not really allergic to prawns.. I think.. Once in a while i do get itches from physical contact with prawns and crabs but other than that.. I'm fine.

Right now i'm watching "congkak".. And i'm sleepy. Hahaha.

Tadi masa beraya bajuku meher. XD HAHAHAHA. Sabar sha. Haha

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

crimson tears

2009-09-22T20:59:00.001+08:00

I'm not really a big fan of Alex Evans but stil i have to admit that he got a nice pair of ocean blue eyes. It was a bit captivating. I am not a wicked follower of his blog but i do check on it when i had nothing to do or when i went through my friend's blog and found the link. It was always nice to read his blog. Somehow, i like the posts. So whenever i read the blog, i enjoyed it. It doesn't seem like he's trying to be cool and all, or just plain faking things like what people did to be cool. I think that the best part of his blog. Lol.

Its the second day of Eid- at least for brunei. The best part of this celebration is definitely the "angpow" collecting part. It was sort of part of the eid tradition. People give away cash in an envelope to visiting "kids". The most is around $10 and the least is $1. That depends. I hate to admit it but i received less now. I could collected around $100 in a week but not anymore. They only give it out to kids. I mean, lol. Do i look that old? X) haha. But still sometimes i feel embarrassed when i received the envelope, since i'm already 19. Oh heck, i'm freakin' old. Haha. I'm not too crazy to grow up. Not anymore. One thing about this eid that i liked is the fact that there's a lot of free fireworks show. Just like the chinese new year celebration, that is if you live in a chinese neighbourhood, like mine. Haha. But its always tiring to entertain the visitor. A lot of dishwashings.

Now, its time for some sort of reality check. Now, forgive me i had to FREAK OUT. The super big exam is approaching. Let me tell you something.. I tried to hold this on but i.. Oh well, maybe i'll let this out some other time..

I'm doing a lot of thinking lately.. I have not reached a final decision yet but whatever that decision is.. It is going to affect my whole life.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

Raya! XD

2009-09-21T03:12:00.001+08:00

Holla! Its the first day of raya. A few more hours to go. My family is stil awake but everyone's starting to disappear into their respective rooms. Today's last minute preparation (as usual) was a bit different. For instance, there's NO small fights. Haha. I am pretty much happy.. Despite the fact that its super hard for everyone (actually its me and my first brother) to agree with each other when we are re-arranging the furniture. At last.. We settled down. I helped my mom to wipe the tables, vacuum the floor, also helped my dad and brothers to clean the house compound. Although, the house compound wasn't that clear but it was way better than before.. No stacked unused stuff infront of the house.. I can't believe that we can actually sort that one out. Tomorrow we are going back to bandar, visiting the bandar people-balik kampung. XD. Hopefully it'll rain tomorrow or at least a bit wet la or else my carsick+heatsick will get worse. I'll end up throwing up. Not good. Since i'm not that well, i don't really expect anything much tomorrow. The only thing i'm looking forward to is the visit of my tua ili, tua malai and family early in the morning. That's my closest relative. My ONLY first cousins from my mom's side. Jiah and Arin will be there! Yeay! And also ich-chan, my naphew! He's super cute and annoying!! But i like to see him laugh. He has this chinese/japanese look and he's definitely super majal. Hahaha. X) then, as usual we'll go to nini bungsu's place because my dad was reserved to read the prayer, this annoys my mom because they'll be calling us a hundred times EVERY first day of eid just to ask when we are going to go there. Of course, we have to wait for my Tua to come first and then the family session and all, but they NEVER understand that. We HAVE OUR OWN FAMILY TO SPEND TIME WITH jua.. THEY always ruin the good mood of first day of raya. Super majal i'd say. I'm annoyed too. Its not like always my tua came for raya and a family gathering at my house, now it has to be cut short for some people who can't seem empathise.. Lol. This post is suppose to be happy. I am happy now. Thanks for greeting me yeah..

Uh oh.. There's this guy who added me up on facebook, he's being nice and all. =D funny how i never notice him at school before. I guess i don't really know everyone in school like i what thought. Haha. Anyway, i'd like to say SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO MY MUSLIM FRIENDS.. Thanks for the text messages and all.

Now, i have to sleep. Enjoy your day okay? :D

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

My darn sincere apologies (:

2009-09-20T01:44:00.001+08:00

Hummm.. Kan raya ni.. What should i type? Haha.. Okay, i shall start with something positive.. Like, apologising. Hehe.

I know i've done so much especially this past two years since i entered sixth form.

First on my list is Maryam and fikri. Boh.. Banyak tah dosa ku ne.. Haha. Sorry pasal i couldnt help much with your problems. My one and only solution to your problem especially your relationship problem is to go and hit the guy for you. Awu. Aku ganas. Haha. Aku nda dapat HELP much. =/ same goes to Eka. When you guys became homesick i cant find the right words to make you guys feel better. For fikri, aku selalu ucap kau karit dapan2 kau kan? Haha. XD. I don't mean it. Tapi kau selalu kana my mean jokes. XD. Aku sure berabis yang aku nada dosa arah si harif. Ia tah 'boy friend' ku yang jahat sama aku tu. Haha. Atu, confident. Nadawah reef. Aku minta maap banyak2 arah kau. Haha. Jangan lupa minta ampun balik. Ku tunggu tu. Kidding. For amal and tikah, aku pun minta maaf pasal aku nda dapat tolong kamu apa2, same goes to eyan and eqah. Aku tau aku tah kawan yang paling boring kalau hang out with kamu pasal aku tau dangar and ketawa saja and occasionally make a sarcastic remark. XD. And jokes ku lame. Haha.

Afiqah khamis, aku sudah get over the teh tarik incident. Okay, haha. So jangan kau traumatized. Lyana susanty.. Aku manada dosa arah kau. Eseh, confident. XD. Tapi anyway, Pipah nak minta maaf jugak ye. Same goes to khalaf, azrin, erwan, bai, hafiz, pajel, mye, ilmi, hazim, hisyam.. Atu saja kali? Hmmmmm.. And this is generally to ALL friends.. Class mates, set mates.. Everyone. Aku minta maaf sangat. Manalah tau aku membuat kamu terguris hati.. Macam si ayu di socio.. Aku selalu tease ia pasal si waiz. Haha. Si dayah tu yang mulakan, aku ikut saja. Haha. Then, mana tau shuaib ada sakit hati arah aku pasal aku terlanggar ia atau ada silap dan salah lain yang aku lupa. Atau c djim marah arah aku, mana tau aku ada tersalah cakap arah ia. Atau si fyza marah arah aku pasal benedict tests kami nda menjadi masa buat bio practical. Hehe. Atau anyone yang ada di registration class, terguris hati pasal aku majal mau duduk di tempat duduk ku walaupun ada urang lain duduk pasal aku loner berabis and tempat duduk ku lah tempat ku..Aiseh.. Also arah tchr yang ucap students babal, sorry ah.. Aku selalu ucap kau pasal aku sakit hati.. Macam mendoakan urang jua tu. Lagipun.. please rearrange the table after your class because apa tu nah, meja be susun memanjang.. Inda pandai susun balik. Kau pakai sejam saja.. Kami g.p student ada 4 set kali ah.. Labih jua kau. *nah, bunyinya kan minta maap* haha. XD

untuk strangers especially kanak2 yang add di fb, sorry ah. Kalau kaka nda berapa kenal atau tau, jarang kaka kan meng approve toh. Hehe. Also to those yang ku layan macam nada saja. Sorry sangat. Aku ne bukan peramah sangat pun.. Aku boleh dikatakan jahat jualah.. When it comes to the opposite sex. Yes, aku anti guys dikit. Kalau girls okay pulang. Guys saja nda berapa. Tunggu ku jadi hyper or gila or bored tahap menungu anak dinosaur lahir, baru tah ku melayan tu. XD

i've just realised that i stil have that anti-boys syndrome.. Not as bad as before but ada lah a lil bit. So aku jarang kan meliat or pay attention to boys especially those who are in groups, unless i have this instinct that rejects you as a boy..not in a bad way la XD. macam si fikri and harif ah..And also guys yang officially jadi my friend punya bf pun aku nda berapa anti pasal aku nda consider kamu as 'boys' lagi.. Macam si shukey and aimran. Haha. Aku angap durang macam kawan and bukan BOYS. haha. Sorry sangat.

Dengan ini, saya ingin mengucapkan selamat hari raya kepada semua. XD. Jangan lupa. Kamu exam tu. *waves* urang UK pun ah. Hehe. Eh, peng and anne.. I forgot to say sorry. XD. Please forgive me if i've done something wrong to you guys yeah. I know, i must have done something wrong..

Bah, datang tah kerumah ah. Aku nda pulang melayan tu, babah ku yang melayan kamu tu karang. Hahahahaha. *macam nda suruh datang saja* jangan tah datang hari raya pertama.. Maybe aku kebandar, beraya di kampung.. Hopefully this year inda beraya di pulau. Payah wah. Mesti pakai public transport. Kan ke sana lagi naik boat. Musim buaya ani jangantah kali ah. Aku masih ada lagi gambar raya last year kali. Kalau ku rajin ada ku post tu. Okay pulang pulau nya nda banyak pollution because banyak hutan and rumahnya is macam rumah kampung banar2 tapi.. Ngaleh wah be jalan dari one house to another.. kalau pakai heels kepisan uh..
XD. Aku yang jenis yang nda lakas ngaleh ne pun give up wah.

Bah. Adang2 tah eh. Aku kan panyap rumah lagi. Hehe..

*now, i love you all* i mean it.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?

On my own

2009-09-19T09:18:00.001+08:00

Because sometimes i feel so bad inside, i feel the freaking pain of being hurt, and when it happens i try not to cry. I try not to show anything. I tried to look okay. Why do you have to take me for granted? Why?

I try to let it out here less because i feel pathetic. I try to make it look as if i'm happy. I tried to think that things had changed. I can't help wondering what does it take for you to stop hurting me and try to show me that you loved me? Death?

This is killing me.. I'm stressed, can't you see?

Don't put everything on me.. A family means.. Together.. Why don't you share it with the others too? Why just me?

Sometimes this is too much.

lets pretend to be very happy shall we?